no one said life was easy

• Heidi ho there Momma. Again, not too much excitement going on down here. Today I've just been kinda stressed out about money, Dad getting progressively worse, stuff like that. I'm seriously considering getting another 3rd job. I applied for a board op job at another station in San Fran for weekend work, crossing my fingers on that one. I know God will open a door when the time is right. It's like financially I'm barely making it, I'm paying for medical insurance now, and everyone wants to go out every weekend. It's insane. That and Dad forgot that he buys my groceries and I almost had a panic attack in the middle of Walmart before I reexplained my whole situation. Ever since I got laid off from my on-air gig back in October I've been $200 short a month. It's like good lord, man.
  
• Also I've been having some issues with temptation and sin, all the lovely stuff. I live in the Bay Area, which to me seems like the sin capital of the world. Maybe besides NYC and Las Vegas. I'm saturated with bad stuff 24-7. You know I'm probably exaggerating and everyone is bombarded with it. It's like most of my close friends aren't believers, and my friends that are live kinda far or are pretty scarce. Everyone has sex on the brain 24-7. Everyone says awful things about one another. Everyone cusses. This includes me. I know it's in our nature to be awful and sin and all that, but man it's insane. It's so hard to put all that aside and start over. This is crazy.
  
• Besides all this nonsense it's so hard to sleep lately. I have you on the brain totally, and the whole situation with you in the hospital plays in my mind like a bad movie, and you laying there dead. This is probably some common grief mechanism or something, but yeah it sucks. I'm sure someday I'll get over it. Cathy and I were talking earlier about how rough it's been in the 2 months since you passed on. No one ever said life was easy for anyone, though. I'm taking good care of everyone, and I'm so glad I have a great family and friends to lean on. I think I've aged about 10 years in the last 6 months, seriously. I'm so old. My priorities are totally in another place now. Crazy, huh?
  
• Okay well off to enjoy my weekend, well I can in like 4 1/2 hrs when I leave work. Michelle and I are going walking again, and that's a good thing. I hate it because for the first 1/2 mile, I always feel like I'm gonna pop the big one since I'm so outta shape going slightly up hill. It's worth it in the long run. Okay talk to ya later. Taaa-taaa!