another way too personal blog

• Hey there momma. I thought I would blog about something more private and emotional than usual today. Something I was talking about with Michelle yesterday morning, and even with Kimmie over last weekend. I don't know why but putting my feelings into writing is so much easier then talking about it. I've been blogging for like 2 years now, at least on my blogspot. Ain't that a trip? Life sure has changed, lemme tell ya.
  
• Anyway, on with the main topic. It's hard to put this into words just thinking about this. Since you've been gone (insert Kelly Clarkson hook here.. ) I've gone through a rash of emotions. Tons of them. Hurt, anger, fear, abandonment, insanity. It kind of feels like I've been orphaned. Yes I'm almost 28 years old. A little too grown up to be considered one. You see, Dad is still technically here. So I can't say that anyway. He is not being a Dad, that's the thing. His short term memory is way shot, he can't remember what you told him 2 minutes ago. Every time we go shopping I have to remind him that he's buying the groceries, that he doesn't smoke anymore, things like that. He also forgets what day it is, what month it is, what year it is. Once in a while he wakes up and asks where Mom is. Luckily I don't live there so I don't have to explain that one. Oh yes, and he's usually very grumpy. Most of the time. Rarely cracks a smile, always telling me to stop talking so much. I mean some of this is probably because I remind him of Mom. I look/sound just like her, and I'm usually cracking jokes like she always did. On the other hand, he's always been kind of the party pooper. He's been telling me to shut up for years. So yeah Mom is gone and now my father's the equivalent of a 3 yr old, least it feels like it. So that's my sob story as of late.
  
• I'm not trying to throw a pity party or anything like that, don't worry. Just something I wanted to get off my chest, so people know where I'm coming from. So if I'm bitchy sometimes, remember what I'm dealing with.. that and working way too much. Waaah waaaah.
  
• I'm still praising God all the way, of course. I'm so blessed to have great friends to keep my spirits up when I feel like crawling in a hole somewhere. I thank God every day for his grace, cuz I sure have screwed up here and there. Anyway, that's what's been on my mind the past day or so.
  
• In other exciting news, I went walking both Wednesday and Thursday mornings with Michelle. I went to La Pinata on Thursday night and had a killer grilled chicken burrito famoso. I'm eating the leftovers as we speak. I love mexican food.
  
• This weekend should be pretty cool. I'm getting some OT later today working a half shift. Saturday night I'm going out with Brad and Victoria from work, I'll bring my camera for that one. I'll probably make another insane video out of it. Okay taa-taa for now!