I'm such an asshole

I fuckin hate myself right now. My friend is totally pissed at me. I was seriously considering moving to Sactown, but now I'm having my doubts. Actually, I've been having my doubts for about a month now. I totally want to help my friend and solve the problem, but I don't know how. I went to a job interview near Sactown today. It went okay, but the testing was very tough. The work environment looked like NASA Mission Control or something. Awesome looking, but a little over my head.

I'd love to get this job because of the great opportunity of advancement, plus the benefits. At the same time, I love all 3 of my jobs here where I'm at. And I love my family and friends. I think I may have just lost a friend over some stupid shit that I started. I hate myself so much. What should I do?

He needs help...

Have you ever been in that situation when you just don't know what to do? Someone who was close to me needs lots of professional help, and keeps calling depressed and sad. I keep telling him to grow up and not feel sorry for himself, and he doesn't listen. I told him he needs real help, a professional to talk to about this. He can't act like an adult until he gets his fucked up childhood behind him. ARRRGH Any advice?

Fun with photoshop

I had fun the last few days workin at KKIQ. I love playing Abba, Huey Lewis and the News, and Prince at odd hours during the night. LOL Some drunk guy called and sang me a Faith Hill song, so it wasn't that bad. I've also been learning photoshop courtesy of Noelle. Look what I did yesterday morning out of boredom.




Just for kicks, here's a pic of me looking like I'm constipated and selling fiber.

Gettin funky!

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Gettin funky while drunk, I got some moves for a white girl!!

My party was off da hook!!!

Oh man, I had a fun weekend. Friday I went bday shopping with my mommy, and I got 3 new shirts, new shorts, a new belt, new "nice" pants, and 2 new bras. Oh yeah, and I got a new pair of sneakers and new flip-flops. We also went to lunch at Fresh Choice. Good Eats.

That night was my party, and it was off the hook. I got giftcards for Target, Rasputins, Blockbuster, Starbucks and Itunes. Sweeeeet. I also had a bootyload of pizza and like 2 birthday cakes. It was lovely. We had oh so much fun, I'm gonna post lots of pics so look below!!!

I hate myself today

I'm just really frustrated with myself today. No I'm not frustrated with possibly moving, I'm looking forward to that actually. It's not that.

Good lord I'm fuckin fat. You don't realize how humongous you are until you see yourself. It's like, good lord. What happened to me? See, people see large folks like myself and they go, "Man, she's a slob. She doesn't take care of herself, she probably sits around and eats all day, doesn't exercise."

Okay I don't exercise nearly as much as some people. I only go to the gym 2-3 times a week and do 40 min of walking and 25 min of conditioning. I'm only eating 1400-1500 calories a day, and trying to watch my carbs. I'm down to one diet soda a day and lots of water and tea. What does it get me? Nothing.

I just broke up with a boyfriend of one year. Yes he has lots of issues and baggage. But he loved me and still does for who I am inside. It took me 24 years to find someone like that, and he's still a loser. Will I ever find someone who isn't a loser who loves me? Probably not. I have plenty of friends but if they saw me walking down that street and didn't know me, they probably wouldn't be my friend.

Speaking of friends, why does everyone try to offer me freakin food all the time? Does being overweight mean I have an invisible sign that says FEED ME on the back of my shirt? It sure feels like it. Today my friend stuck a cookie in my mouth when I picked him up from the airport. I'm sure he meant no harm and he's innocent as a child, but still, it made me feel awful. Like I'm some animal at the zoo. The other day my friend's mom gave me a sugary coffee drink, a giant bag of cookies and some chips in a matter of 10 minutes. Do I have some look of hunger in my eyes when I sit down? Lordy lord. I admit, I grabbed two extra cookies later that night at the smorgasboard so to speak, but I ate them the next morning. I'm not the pig that I look like.

I'm ordering a lot of pizza tommorrow for my party and I'm gonna try not to have more than maybe 2 slices. I'm gonna be good. I just wish I could be like everyone else and eat what I want and not gain weight. Dammit now I'm depressed.

Sorry for ranting, just sometimes I feel so terrible about myself. :(

Progress

Well I have some good news.. I have a face to face interview near Sactown on the 27th. I'm hella stoked. I'm also hella stoked about my party on Friday night!! Whoohoo! I love birthday time!! Also, I'm really tired for some reason. I'm probably going straight to bed when I get off work later. Ugh.

Staying awake

Well, I'm a few steps closer to getting the new job in Sactown that I've been after. I have a phone interview this afternoon at 1pm, I can't wait. This morning I'm gonna hit the gym and come home and do some housework. Then I'll snooze for 3 hours or so and wake up about 10-15 min before I'm expecting the call.

This past weekend was pretty darn fun. I went to the BFD concert on Saturday and had a blast. I got a gnarly sunburn on my arms, but oh well. I sat in the 11th row!!! (well, most of the time :)) Awesomeness. I got lots of exercise walking around all freakin day and literally running for a bit. Sunday I spent working, going to dinner with my folks, helping them grocery shop, and doing housework. Fun shit.

Okay I'm gonna try to keep myself from falling asleep here at work. Wish me luck. :)

I'm a weirdo

Nothing really new to report today.. I ate like a fuckin pig over the weekend, and I'm ashamed. :( I won't divulge into how much crap I really ate, but the breakfast bowl and pancakes I ate at Denny's on Friday with Davina did me in royally for Fri and Sat's caloric intake. I actually think I ate more calories on Sunday, but then again I only slept about 5 hours total that day. My schedule has been kinda crazy the last week or so, have I mentioned that?

Today I haven't eaten that bad, but Michelle brought over 3 leftover mozzerlla sticks from Dennys and shoved them in my face earlier. How nice. I got a Tazo Tea from Starbucks instead of a Crappuccino (no that ain't a typo), and that's a good start. I did something hella funny to pass the time at work on Sunday afternoon.. think I'll share it.


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Is there a chance??

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get a guy again. Maybe I'm just depressed. I don't like dressing all girly, and never have. I'm not gay though, I know that for sure. The only serious boyfriend I had is pretty much a loser, everyone can agree. So when will I find a guy who likes me, that isn't a loser? Is there such a thing? I'm not a blond baywatch babe lookalike like my sister, so the hot guys won't like me. Do I have any hope? I hope so.

:(

I lost 5 lbs!

I don't have a whole lot to write about today. I did my show but lost interest about halfway through, and tracked CDs for the last hour or so. I finally heard from Manny, thank god. The last time I had spoken with him he sounded kind of out of it, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. Just because we're not together doesn't mean I don't care about him.

I've been working out 2-3 days a week and I have lost 5 lbs over the last 3 weeks. Pretty good work for me. I've been eating a lot more salad and drinking more tea and water, and less soda. I'm not turning this into a huge weight loss deal, because then people start asking me how I'm doing and giving me their own advice on how to lose weight. Then if I don't keep losing weight they will keep asking about it, and its embarrassing to tell them I'm still the same size. Ugh. I've been there, done that.
I work 50 + hours a week, and my body has been craving lots of sleep lately. If I go to the gym more than 3 times a week, it's gonna wreak havoc on my body. I've been getting 6-8 hours of sleep a day, but it doesn't seem to be enough. Does this happen a lot when people work out constantly? Hmm...

Also, I can't go to the gym everyday even if I was crazy enough to do so. I have a busy social life outside work, and I also need sleep. So yeah, arrrrgh. Maybe it's because I just went through a rather stressful breakup, and my finances suck right now. That could explain my need for extra sleep. How intriguing.