no one said life was easy

• Heidi ho there Momma. Again, not too much excitement going on down here. Today I've just been kinda stressed out about money, Dad getting progressively worse, stuff like that. I'm seriously considering getting another 3rd job. I applied for a board op job at another station in San Fran for weekend work, crossing my fingers on that one. I know God will open a door when the time is right. It's like financially I'm barely making it, I'm paying for medical insurance now, and everyone wants to go out every weekend. It's insane. That and Dad forgot that he buys my groceries and I almost had a panic attack in the middle of Walmart before I reexplained my whole situation. Ever since I got laid off from my on-air gig back in October I've been $200 short a month. It's like good lord, man.
  
• Also I've been having some issues with temptation and sin, all the lovely stuff. I live in the Bay Area, which to me seems like the sin capital of the world. Maybe besides NYC and Las Vegas. I'm saturated with bad stuff 24-7. You know I'm probably exaggerating and everyone is bombarded with it. It's like most of my close friends aren't believers, and my friends that are live kinda far or are pretty scarce. Everyone has sex on the brain 24-7. Everyone says awful things about one another. Everyone cusses. This includes me. I know it's in our nature to be awful and sin and all that, but man it's insane. It's so hard to put all that aside and start over. This is crazy.
  
• Besides all this nonsense it's so hard to sleep lately. I have you on the brain totally, and the whole situation with you in the hospital plays in my mind like a bad movie, and you laying there dead. This is probably some common grief mechanism or something, but yeah it sucks. I'm sure someday I'll get over it. Cathy and I were talking earlier about how rough it's been in the 2 months since you passed on. No one ever said life was easy for anyone, though. I'm taking good care of everyone, and I'm so glad I have a great family and friends to lean on. I think I've aged about 10 years in the last 6 months, seriously. I'm so old. My priorities are totally in another place now. Crazy, huh?
  
• Okay well off to enjoy my weekend, well I can in like 4 1/2 hrs when I leave work. Michelle and I are going walking again, and that's a good thing. I hate it because for the first 1/2 mile, I always feel like I'm gonna pop the big one since I'm so outta shape going slightly up hill. It's worth it in the long run. Okay talk to ya later. Taaa-taaa!
  

same ol crap

• What's crackin, Momma? Not too much down here. The last few days have been pretty uneventful. Dad had a fever the other night, but it went down so we didn't take him to the doctor. He's going grocery shopping with us in the morning so I hope he's feeling better. I went to the gym yesterday morning. Yay for me. I'm going again this morning too, gotta get that exercise. Not like it helps me any, but it's worth a shot. I keep losing/gaining weight like a yo-yo, it's quite frustrating. Such is life, I guess. Kinda hard when Cathy comes over and makes a ton of pig-in-a-blankets and fudge walnut brownies for TJ. They were yummy. I made some scrambled eggbeaters with sliced bell peppers and salsa too, so I ate a little healthy. Freakin sodium filled wieners probably are why I'm retaining water today. Grrr.
  
• Well that's about all that's going on, really. I work, go to the gym, sleep, watch TV. That's life in a nutshell this week. Hope you're having fun up there. I still miss you so much it hurts. Can't ever go to sleep without you on my mind. Later Momma. :-)
  

weekend fun

• Hey there Momma, what's shakin up there in heaven? I had a pretty okay weekend. Quite a bit of glutenous eating, and I'm picking at the leftovers as we speak. Friday night I went to dinner at Mimi's with Noelle and Michelle, then we went shopping at Newpark Mall. Your favorite, I know. I got a cool new shirt at Hot Topic with the giftcard Amy gave me for Xmas, and I got a few things at Target.
  
• Saturday I worked in San Fran, then all 3 of us girls plus Dad went to go see Kim's new baby. Joshua is sooo cute. So is Caden, she loved my Oscar the Grouch shirt. She got in trouble for throwing a tantrum and had to go in the naughty spot. Haha. We took lots of pics. My camera has been gay for a while but Michelle and Kim took enough, believe me. Shelly got hers developed yesterday so I'll probably be scanning them on the computer later this morning. Later that night Cathy, TJ and I went to dinner at Claimjumper in Concord. I had a mudslide, it was yummy.
  
• Sunday I got up like a good girl and went to church. Later I went home and did some housework, then Davina and I had lunch at La Pinata and ice cream at Clancy's. We tried to counteract the guilt by taking a walk to the duck pond. Oh well. Still was yummy, and we had fun as always. You remember Davina, she's always funny as hell. Not that hell is a riot, but it's a figure of speech. My rambling continues.. Anyway after that I went home and took a nap for like 5 hours, then got up, grabbed food and came to work. Here I am now. Yay.
  
• Today Michelle and I are going to go walking too. She's got bread for all the ducks and geese. You'd love the duck pond, Mom. Wish I would have taken you there. Talk to you soon.
  

it's friday.. woot woot

• Hey Momma, what's shakin up there in heaven? Nothing too thrilling going on down here, I guess. I didn't get much sleep today, I'm pretty pooped. We took Happy to the vet since it looked like he had something stuck under his gums. It was a ton of his hair, guess he was chewing himself again. I got a few hours of sleep in the morning than took him, went home and slept 4 hours, then went to pick him up with Michelle and Dad. He's a great little dog, but he deprived me of sleep, man.
  
• When I got home I tried to get more sleep, but didn't succeed. TJ caught Alf peeing on the couch for the last time, and chased him around the house yelling. He chased him into my room and woke me up. I wasn't exactly pissed.. well maybe I was a little bit. TJ made the decision to get rid of Alf and Cathy took him back to the shelter. Yes I know to a lot of you this seems mean, and my heart is slightly broken myself. My heart goes out to all kitties and doggies in shelters, especially the older ones. I was actually brought to tears. Mostly because Spencer's friend went away. It was either that or TJ losing his temper again, and um from the looks of it I don't wanna see that again. Alf meant well, but he peed on the couch every single day right in front of us. We tried spraying water at him, vinegar, smacking him with a newspaper. We encouraged him to go outside and he wouldn't budge. I know this seems to make TJ a bad guy, but I guess he did the right thing. His sister gave Alf to him since he was peeing all over her apartment, and after 4 months of him destroying my couch well it was the last straw. I'm just too nice. Anyway, Spencer will probably be sad for a while and I'll be sure to give him lots of extra love and attention for sure. He's very resilient, I know he'll be okay.
  
• Oh yeah, I'm finally getting real health insurance. Well if I get accepted. *crossing fingers* A good Myspace friend of mine (who is a former child actor.. lmao) is gonna get me the hookup for $73 a month. Deductible is kinda high but hey I just need this stuff for emergencies and my work covers 80% of what insurance doesn't. Essentially my doctor visits would be $6 and generic drugs would be $3 after the insurance/work reimbursement. Mom I saw what your original ICU bill was and almost popped a coronary. I need something just in case. (Note to readers: if any of you are California residents and need lower cost health insurance, gimme a holla.. I'll give you Jeremy's contact info)
• Well this is about it. Went to the gym on Wednesday morning, and I'm going again today. This weekend should be okay. I'll give the full report Sunday night.
  

starbucks= yuppie crack

• Hey there Momma. How's heaven these days? Pretty amazing I'll bet. Earth is the same ol thang. Nothing too eventful the past few days. I've worked a lot of overtime due to Victoria being sick. Worked 12 hours last night and 12 hours the night before. I was going to work another 12 hour shift tonight but Brad covered some extra hours which was nice.
  
• I went to the gym yesterday morning. I'm so glad to get back in the swing of things. I'll probably go this morning too, since I bet Michelle will go "my ankle hurts" when I call to see if she wants to go walking.
  
• I hung out with Cathy and Amy yesterday. We got Starbucks and drove down Palomares in Cathy's car. It was cool just to get out for an hour or so and talk, listen to music and stuff. I got a nice 2 hour nap in after that, and I needed it. Ya know I had Starbucks three times in a 24 hour period. I swear Starbucks is yuppie crack. I'm semi-addicted but not really. I can go weeks without it, but my family can't. Last night Cathy and Michelle brought me a skinny iced hazelnut latte here at work. (Yes they both were in a vehicle together without killing each other, shocking but true.) Then yesterday morning after the grocery run I had to take Dad and Michelle through the drive-thru Starbucks and I got a skinny iced cinnamon dolce latte. Earlier tonight I had a skinny iced mocha. It's like good god, man. Whatever.
  
• Oh on Saturday we're going to visit Kim and see her new son Joshua. He was born 4 or 5 days after you died. His pics look so cute. I'm sure we'll take more pics while we're there. Today I got some picture Aunt Brenda took of us right after the holidays, and Dad's wearing my sparkly Santa hat. Date says the 28th, but I stopped wearing that after Xmas. Oh well. I gotta scan that in on my computer soon. It's cute.
  
• Okay that's about it for now. Gotta do more Myspace surveys and eat some broccoli. :-)
  

i can only imagine

• Hey there Momma. Here at work again, doing a nice 12 hour shift. Victoria's sick again, she caught my cold from last week. I don't mind, I need the overtime. Like you remarked often, the economy plain sucks. All my money goes to bills and a small amount for entertainment. Oy vey. I'm considering getting a third job, but I've really been enjoying having most of my weekend to myself. Everything just costs so damn much, it's nerve wracking. Speaking of high prices, Cathy got a new car. She and Amy went to Tracy Honda and traded in her craptastic Ford Focus for an 08 Honda Accord. It's really pretty. God knows how much it costs though.
  
• Here's how my weekend went down. Friday I had to run some errands with Michelle and Dad in the morning. That evening I went to dinner at Mimi's Cafe with Noelle and Michelle. Then we went to Walmart. Not too eventful, but I was still having girl issues anyway.
  
• On Saturday I worked in San Fran, then picked up Michelle and Dad. I drove to the duck pond to show it to Dad and we walked around for a bit. Then we went back to my house to relax and watch Scrubs. Afterwards we hit up Hometown Buffet and back to my place to meet Cathy and get a ride in her new car. We dropped off Michelle and Dad, then picked up TJ and went out for a bit. We got Starbucks, drove down Palomares, visited with Naphtali and her mom, and then dropped by Barnes and Noble. Then I went home and watched Are We Done Yet? with Ice Cube and John C. McGinley. He plays Dr. Cox on Scrubs, it was a dorky family movie but seeing him in booty shorts was worth a laugh.
• Sunday I got up on time and went to church. Good sermon about not trying to be one way at church and another way in the outside world. Just be yourself and be a reflection of God always. Well try to live like Christ all the time, not just on Sundays. That's it. After church I went home and walked to the duck pond for some exercise, then did most of my housework. I took a nap, then hung out with Davina and Valeria. We drove around looking for this karaoke place on Mission in Hayward and finally found it, but they only open in the evenings. We ate dinner at Rigatoni's, then went to the duck pond (again.. lol) and had a nice little walk. Now I'm here at work.
  
• Life is thrilling, isn't it Momma? I would say you probably miss it, but you probably only miss us. I know it's gotta be a hundred times more exciting up there than down here on plain ol Earth. Ya know that song "I Can Only Imagine"? I wonder what you did when you saw Jesus. I bet you cried like a big baby and gave him a hug. That's what I'll probably do too. Or get all excited and jump up and down like a huge retard. I do that when I have too much sugar. You're up there nodding and smiling, saying "Yes Lisa I know". Okay that's all for now. :-)
  

anemia sucks

• Hey there Momma. I'm still having girl probs. It doesn't hurt as much today, but I've lost way too much blood. Been feeling woozy the last 3 days or so. Today especially. Yeah I took my iron pills, and yes I'm eating.. well trying to. There's not a whole lot to report, not much excitement going on this week. I've been dragging myself to work, and getting off an hour or so early (don't worry I should be using sick pay for it). Michelle and I took Dad to the chiropractor yesterday, and I'm almost done with my Criminal Minds book. I was reading it in the car. I haven't been to the gym all week, but I don't think I'm in much of a condition to go. I've gotta take Michelle somewhere today, I think it's the hospital to get something signed for your insurance and a medical supply place to get Dad a better cane. Tonight I'm going to dinner with Noelle, then probably going back home to rest. I need it. That's about it. Hopefully when I blog again on Sunday night/Monday morning I'll be back to my old self full of energy. Being anemic sucks. BLAHHHHH
  

giant unicorns in my uterus

• Hey momma. Life isn't exactly peachy right now. My body seems to hate me. Okay I still have that cold thing I mentioned last time. And now I have major woman problems. I mean major. Remember back in August when I was in the emergency room for 7 hours? Yeah it's back. I think there's a unicorn in my uterus trying to burst forth. Not a good feeling. My thighs are burning. I'm trying not to puke. I think I'm investing in some Tylenol Women's Menstrual Relief and a heating pad at Walmart today. I just want to crawl back into bed and go sleepy for a long time. A long, long time. After work today I'm going to breakfast with Leeanne at Carrows, then doing the grocery shopping with Michelle and Dad. That reminds me I need to make a list. Ugh. Sorry this blog is so short Momma, but I feel like crap on a stick.
  

oh ca-ca

• Well Momma I'm back from my weekend. I think I'm getting sick again. I was sick the week you died and that carried on through New Years. Like a month later.. surprise! Sick again. I feel like I've been hit by a truck and I think I have a fever. My immune system sucks booty, but I think maybe it's stress related or something. Ugh.
  
• Anyway, the weekend was fun. Friday night I went out with Noelle and Michelle. First we had dinner at Quinn's Lighthouse in Oakland. I had lasagna, salad, and shared some nachos and bread pudding. I guess I am a fatass, huh? Anyway.. then we went to Target and Barnes and Noble in Newark and Fremont. Then Noelle and I hung out at her house and watched Criminal Minds.
  
• Saturday I worked in San Fran, then went out to Lodi to hang with Kimmie. We had an awesome time, as usual. We watched like 3 behind the scenes documentaries about the Wizard Of Oz, Head Office (with my 80s man Judge Reinhold and a Rick Moranis cameo), The Amityville Horror (which I napped during), New Kids On The Block Hangin Tough Live (we did our own videos to this and I'm hoping my camera didn't delete them from the memory card, my camera's been really retarded lately and after I get my refund I'm buying a new one.. moving on), a Miami Vice TV movie from season 2, and some home movies of Kimmie in preschool. Oh yeah we had Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner, and some cheesy bread. I also drank like 3-4 mudslides and lots of Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper. Tastes like a cherry tootsie roll. Sunday we got up at like noon and watched most of Sybil and had McDonalds for lunch (I had mcnuggets and a side salad), then went off on an adventure to Walgreens, Blockbuster and Starbucks. I got a skinny hazelnut latte. Yum. We came back and watched the rest of Sybil (freakin long movie good god), and had KFC for dinner (I had a chicken BLT salad). We watched a movie called Downtown with another 80s boyfriend Anthony Edwards then I headed on home to get ready for work.
  
• So yeah, I had fun this weekend. I was thinking about you a lot, as I always do. This one hot guy in the Sybil movie was singing that "Hushabye Don't You Cry" song to his kid, like you sang to us when we were little. Made me tear up a bit. Oh and when we arrived home the sun was setting, and the clouds were purple. It just made me think of you, since Kimmie mentioned how her cousin Mandy was probably up there riding her unicorn through those clouds.. haha. Okay talk to ya next time.
  

life is hard

• Good news Momma, Dad doesn't have cancer/tumors. He has emphysema and lots of scarring like we thought. Thank God. Okay emphysema isn't good, but we knew he had that before. His oxygen levels are great and I'm going to try to take him on walks when I can during the week.
  
• I'm really pooped, I didn't get much sleep today at all. Well I did, but it was in 2 hour increments. Got more teeth filled on Thursday, slept, then took Cathy's car to be worked on, then came home and made dinner and watched TV, then slept a bit more. Oh yeah, we were having issues since Cathy's car repairs are gonna be like $1000. I'm paying for it and Dad's paying me back. I really had to twist his arm though. Wish you were still here, you would have handled things right away like you always did. Cathy's been really upset lately, she asked me how I deal with all this crap that goes on in my life. Before I could answer her she was on the phone with Amy again. Anyway yeah, I just pray a lot, try to fill my time by helping out others and hanging out with friends. That's all you can do, ya know. It ain't easy. No one said life would be. Cathy and I did agree that you're probably somewhere in God's version of Hawaii (which is indeed heaven on earth) relaxing on the beach with Grandma and everyone. Drink a mai-tai for me. I wonder if they have booze in Heaven? Hmmm.
  
• This weekend should be fun. I'm going to dinner with Noelle and Michelle tonight at Quinn's Lighthouse. I think I told you about that place before, I went there last year with Brad and Victoria. After dinner we're probably doing a little shopping. Saturday I'm working then going to Lodi to hang out with Kimmie. I wish you would have gotten to meet her, she's really an awesome person. Okay I'm outta here for now.. not physically but I'm done with my blog. I almost wrote blob. Hahaha. I'm such a nerd, huh? Love ya!!
  

more worries

• Hey there momma. Not much going on here, my usual midweekly blog. The past few days have been okay, not a whole lot of excitement. I went to the gym both Monday and Tuesday morning, and I may hit the gym again today. Dad's got a doctor appointment this afternoon so I don't know how much sleep I'll be getting. I'm really nervous about it since the doctor's supposed to discuss the results of his CT scan last week. I'm hoping for the best. Even if it's not the best, we'll deal with it step by step. Dad doesn't deserve to get sick right after losing you, it's just not right. You didn't deserve to get sick and die either. *sigh* I know it's all part of God's plan and all, but he sure is testing us right now.
  
• I've been having bad dreams lately, mostly about what happened to you and bad stuff happening to Dad. It's all part of the psychological process I suppose, but it still sucks. God's forcing me to face my fears head on, both in my subconscious and in real life. It's part of maturing as a Christian and a human being, but man this is tough. But I still save face and play the funny person to everyone, can't let em know I'm hurting. Well I kinda am by writing this and they read it, but oh well. I express myself so much better in writing than talking about it. Cathy's the same way.
  
• Well I'm gonna get going now, say what's up to God and grandma and everyone for me. Send a prayer request for me for Dad, I know you're watching over us and maybe you can pull some weight on his CT results. If not, well God does what he does. Okay talk to ya later. :-)
  

stuck in the middle

• Hey there momma, back from my weekend. It was pretty fun. On Friday night I went with Davina to the Edwardian World's Faire in San Francisco. It was raining pretty hard and we had to run 6 blocks, getting soaked all the way. I had a fun time. There were hot dudes on stilts and kids doing acrobatics. I took a few pics, I need to load them on Myspace. Davina made me look like some early 20th century schoolmarm. Haha.
  
• On Saturday morning I worked in San Fran, then Cathy picked me up at Bayfair BART and we headed off the Jenny and Mikey's house for their son Chayse's birthday. It was cool, we saw Cliff and his mom so we had someone to talk to. Oh by the way, the alignment on Cathy's car is wonky again so she has to get it fixed, she's borrowing your van. I'm sure that's okay with you. Anyway after that we got Wendys and went home to watch TV. I was in bed before 10pm but I was exhausted.
  
• Sunday I took Dad and Michelle up to your gravesite in Sebastopol. They don't have your marker yet, but we put roses there and on Grandma's grave too. Michelle got emotional, but that's just how she is. Then we had lunch at Foster's Freeze and got coffee at Starbucks. It was funny since it rained on the way up there and again when we left, but while we were in Sebastopol, no rain at all. Thanks Mom. Later on I came home and did more straightening, then took a nice long nap, got up, made dinner, and went to work.
  
• I will hit the gym after work today. I usually don't go on Mondays but Tricia asked if I was going, and I ate way too much crap over the weekend. So I'll do that for 40 min or so and then go home and mop the floors. Oh my god my life is so exciting, huh?
  
• Well I do miss you as always. Michelle and Cathy have been bickering about money and crap, wish you were still here to yell at both of them. Now I'm the one stuck in the middle. "Tell Cathy blah blah blah.. " "Oh yeah.. well tell Michelle this!" (flips me the bird) Oh well Momma, such is life.
  

oh poopy

• Hey there Momma. TGIF. I'm so glad the weekend is here. The last few days have kept me pretty busy, but that's okay. Makes life interesting. Wednesday morning I went to Walmart, Kinko's, Luckys, Starbucks and Longs with Michelle and Dad. Usual errands and groceries, like we always do. By the time I got my car loaded with groceries and almost home I had to drop off some extra food at Uncle Jim's house. That guy can talk forever. Kept me there for like 30 minutes. Not his fault, I think the talking and wackiness factor has to be genetic. Anyway, I got in bed by like 1pm and got up at 9pm in time to do dishes, make dinner and watch Criminal Minds. It was the last new episode for a while. I don't know if you remember that a month before you passed the Writer's Guild went on strike. Well they are still on strike and there aren't any new episodes of most shows. If they reach an agreement soon we may get a few more this season. This even threatens the pilots for new shows in the fall. Craziness
• On Thursday morning I went to the gym with Tricia. This was her first time at Bally in San Leandro. I had a lot of fun and got more of a workout since I was showing her stuff and wanted to show off my muscular bod. Hahaha. After that I went to Fernando's house and we watched Balls of Fury with Grace and Joey too. I've noticed that Fernando has been the most supportive friend ever, both him and Grace. He's becoming almost like a guidance counselor. Helping me look at my finances, giving me self help and spiritual advice. God truly gave me a gift to have him as a friend. And no I'm not saying any of you others are not great friends, just right now he's standing out more than others. Oh yeah, he and Grace gave me a stuffed Alf doll. So awesome. Later on Thursday night TJ bought 3 pies and got a banana cream one just for me. I love pie. I know you'd love to hear about that one.
  
• I do feel good about myself because I went to the gym three days this week. I also feel like a fattie (yeah the normal fat rant coming.. ) since I've gained like 6 lbs for no reason. Okay the pie factor don't help, but in general I try to eat healty. Lots of veggies, barely any salt. But it's like ARRRGH. I want to live and not restrict myself. Diets make me miserable. Why does my body keep doing this? Oh poopy. That's my usual fat rant that I go on at least once a month. I know what you would say Mom. "At least you're trying, but you need to eat, are you getting enough meat?" I don't know why Mom but you always thought I didn't get enough protein. You also would probably interject with .. "It's cold outside for God's sake put on that heavy jacket I bought you last year." I remember you oh too well.
  
• This weekend will be pretty fun. Tonight is the Edwardian Festival thing in San Francisco. Davina is going to give me a bit of a makeover and we're going to see what interesting things can be found there. I'll take some pictures. Saturday morning I'm working then I'm going with Cathy to Antioch for Jenny's kid's bday party. Sunday we're going to the cemetary in Sebastopol (we meaning myself Michelle and Dad) to bring you flowers since your bday is on the 29th. So I'll have an interesting report on Sunday night. Talk to you later, say hi to Heath Ledger if you see him.. he's kinda hot.
  

grocery shopping today.. whoopee

• Hey there mama, long time no talky. Okay I talk to you all day long but I mean in my blog, silly. The last few days have been pretty fun. On Monday morning I went to breakfast at JD's in Castro Valley with Davina. I had an egg white omelette with avacado and tomatoes, so good. It came with pancakes and I got a bagel. I had to eat the bagel later that night though, I was too stuffed. After breakfast we went to Trader Joe's since Davina needed groceries and back to my place. I could have gone to the gym but I was pooped. We watched Night Shift with Michael Keaton, Henry Winkler and Shelly Long since Davina hadn't seen it. She slept through most of it.
  
• On Tuesday morning I hit the gym (yay!) and then hung out with Fernando and baby Joey for a few hours. Joey's getting so big and trying to talk. He loves oatmeal, grapes, chicken.. well let's say he has his daddy's appetite. Then I went home and went to bed.
  
• Nothing else too thrilling going on. This morning I'm taking Dad and Michelle grocery shopping and running various errands. I'm hoping to be in bed around noonish. We'll just see. Dad has his CT scan thing on Friday morning, so we're praying for good results. I still think about you everyday before I go to sleep, and dream about you too. For some reason in my dream yesterday you had a bunch of jewelry on and kept trying to make me put it on too. Interesting. Talk to ya soon. :)
  

average weekend

• Hey there momma. Back from my weekend. It was pretty cool, although I feel uber guilty about the food I ate. Let's see on Friday I didn't get in bed until about 11am due to all the errands I was running with Dad and Michelle. I got up at 4pm since I had a dinner reservation with Noelle and Michelle for Claimjumper there in Fremont at 6pm. It was some GOOD food, as usual. I got the pot roast, and we all split lots of garlic cheese bread. I had some kind of english toffee pudding for dessert. You know me, I can't pass up dessert. Then we perused Frys Electronics and Walmart there in Fremont. I was good and only got a white trash mini-action figure thing out of the machine at Frys and a soda at Walmart. Why am I telling you all this in great detail? I don't know. Well anyway, after that we went back to my house and played with Spencer and Alf for a bit, then I finished up My Dad, The Angel, and Me starring Judge Reinhold and Carol Kane, then went to bed.
  
• Saturday morning I worked in San Fran, then came home and didn't do much the rest of the day. This was fine with me since I do need relaxation. I did some housework and did take a walk, though. I spent the rest of the evening watching movies like Downtown starring Anthony Edwards and Office Space because it was on Comedy Central. It was pretty fun.
  
• On Sunday morning I was a good girl and went to church. Davina and Shuki (Davina's momma) met me there. The sermon was about resisting the Devil's temptation which is everywhere. I took that to heart, lemme tell ya. After that, I went home and did a little more housework, then went for another walk down to the duck pond. Did I mention I hit the gym on Friday morning? So I've been exercising all weekend. Yay! The rest of my Sunday I spent napping and starting on my Criminal Minds book.. Jump Cut.. the first 20 pages have been good, so far.
  
• Ya know I had a dream about you last night? I had a baby and named it after you, and it was weird because you were right there holding it. Interesting. Well thanks for stopping by my subconscious, and feel free to do that anytime. :) Talk to ya soon momma.
  

thinking happy thoughts

• Hey there momma. Well another work week behind me. Not that I'm doing a lot of work while at work, but you know that already. Actually a while ago I was doing a lot of bible study, catching up for the weekend. I read the last three chapters of Genesis and the first 3 chapters of Mark. My bible study guide likes to switch it up between the Old and New Testaments.
  
• The last few days have been okay. Wednesday afternoon Dad had a follow-up with Dr. Athos, he was being kind of a jerk and seemed to have an attitude. The good thing that came out of it is that Dad's COPD is mild, and is O2 level is high. Thursday morning he went to have a chest x-ray, just as part of the follow up since he was in the hospital with pneumonia just a year ago. A few hours later we went to Dr. Robertson for a check-up and his assistant noticed something in his left lung. She talked to the radiologist who took his x-ray earlier and they said there was a mass there. We're thinking it's probably scar tissue since his lungs got pretty messed up from the serious pneumonia plus all that smoking. We're hoping it's not something else. He has to get blood work done this morning and will probably get a CT scan on Monday. I'm pretty sure this isn't serious and am praying really hard right now. The worst thing we need now is to lose Dad. I'm going to keep thinking positive thoughts. Things are just starting to get back to normal, we don't need anyone else getting sick.
  
• Other than that giant worry looming over me this weekend, I think I'll have a nice relaxing few days. Tonight I'm going out with Noelle and possibly Michelle to dinner at Claimjumper and maybe hanging out somewhere there in Fremont. Saturday morning I'm working in San Fran and then Cathy's dragging me to Jenny and Mikey's kid's 2nd birthday in Antioch. It should be interesting. Sunday I'm going to church and I'll probably go walking and do housework. So yeah Mom that's my update from down here, in case you missed anything. Talk to ya later!!
  

another ordinary day

• Hey there momma, what's up? Okay that was stupid. I know what's up, you're in heaven. Well anyway moving on from that awkward beginning.. life is doing pretty okay. Not a whole lot going on. Monday morning I took Spencer to the vet for shots and a check up. He's doing just great. He has to go for more shots on Feb 11th. Ironic since that's when Grandma died 17 years ago. Oh well. He really likes the Dr. Bridgeport though, he was kinda whiny in the car on the way there but was perfectly fine once we got in the waiting room. He was purring while she was examining him, it was cute. Monday night I came into work early and did almost a 12 hour shift. Victoria was sick.
  
• Tuesday morning after leaving work about 30 minutes early I hit the gym and did some cardio and some ab work. I know my abs are there somewhere under my belly fat. Haha. Anyway after that I picked up Michelle and Dad and we did our weekly grocery run. We actually are learning how to budget. Hallelujah it's a miracle, I know. I got a new bra and more Muppet underwear there at Walmart. I'm wearing Miss Piggy right now. Great huh? Dad just loved being in the women's underwear department for those 10 minutes. Haha. After Walmart we went to Luckys and didn't spend that much like we sometimes do. I got veggies, cereal, milk, ice cream, all that necessary stuff. Then I went home and went to bed. Tuesday night I got up, made some grilled chicken wraps for dinner, did some dishes, watched Scrubs and Coming Unglued starring Judge Reinhold, then took a nap before work. And yeah here I am.
  
• Cathy got an awesome tattoo on her calf with your face on it. It must have cost a lot of money. I'm pondering getting one, but um not that detailed. Looked painful. I think about you everyday, and miss you so much. Sometimes I wake up and wish it was all just a bad dream, ya know. I was like that when Grandma died too. This is going to sound odd but when Grandma died, good came out of it. We would have never become best friends with Fernando and Michael if she hadn't died and we hadn't have moved in across the street from them. Everything happens for a reason. So there was a reason God took you when he did. He didn't want you to suffer anymore of course, but there are other reasons we don't know about yet. That's okay, I trust in God and I know he's got a purpose for everything that happens.
  

finally laid to rest

Hey momma, me again. I had a pretty good weekend, considering the circumstances. Friday night I hung out with Noelle, Michelle, Jolene and Amanda. We went to the Great Mall in Milpitas. I was bad and had Burger King for dinner on the way down there. Then I had a cookie and a brownie mocha thing at the Nestle Toll House booth. I was BAD. We had a lot of fun walking around, though. I got a Bert & Ernie decal for my back window, either TJ or Noelle will help me put it on this week.

On Saturday was your burial in Sebastopol. In attendance were myself, Michelle, Dad, Cathy, Amy, Fernando, Grace, little Joey and of course Jerry led the service. Or is it Gerry? I've always spelled it with a J. Anyway, yeah we cried a lot. I was surprised that Fernando and Grace drove all the way up there. Guess I know who my true friends are. Not that the rest of you are not my true friends. Fernando just insisted on coming and he's one of my best friends ever. The service was beautiful, Jerry did a great job. I showed Fernando where Grandma Joe, Grandpa George, Uncle Walt, Aunt Betty, and our great grandparents are buried. He thought it was pretty neat. I don't know morbid it is that I took pics of everyone's plaque/marker thing. I know Kim and Elaine will probably want to see them. After the service we went for lunch at Subway. TJ got called into work, left early, sped all the way up there, and somehow found us there. He was too late for the service, but the effort that he made getting up there showed he really cares. You meant a lot to him, ya know. After lunch we drove back and I dropped off Dad, Michelle and Uncle Jim. Oh yeah, Uncle Jim was singing some songs from Macarthur Park about leaving a cake out in the rain. Really loud. While I was stuck in traffic. I can see the weirdness is hereditary. Haha. Later on in the afternoon I did a little housework, then Cathy and Amanda came over, so did Jeff. Cathy, Amanda and I played Uno while watching Scrubs, some Lifetime movie about a fat girl winning homecoming queen, and SNL. Cathy made me take like 3-4 shots of rum, so I was interesting. I know you don't approve of us getting plastered, and I'm sorry.

On Sunday morning I went to church. You always encouraged me to go and I'm glad that I went. The music was poppin and the message was great. Talking about how we need to do what God asks us to do. When he speaks, we need to listen and obey even if it doesn't make sense, even if we're afraid. Amen to that. Later on Davina came over and we walked to the duck pond, and around it for a while. Then we went to Rasputins and I got Holy Man (since you know how I love Jeff Goldblum) and Downtown starring Anthony Edwards. He's hot but his hair looked just like TJ's so it's hilarious. I haven't watched that one yet, I will on Tuesday or something. Then I took a nice long nap and went to work. Yay.




Here's all of us at the cemetery. That light shining down on us must have been you. :)


Uncle Jim serenading me with his coffee.

• Hey there momma. Well it's the end of another work week for me. It's been a pretty good one I would say. Let's see Wednesday I didn't get in bed until after noon, then got up around 7ish. Watched some TV, did housework, made food, went to work. After work on Thursday morning Michelle and I went walking to the duck pond over by my house. You would love it there, momma. Especially the mallards. I think one of these days I'll take Dad over there, he loves birds and stuff. After our walk I took Michelle on a few errands then home for sleep. Thursday evening I got up around 6, took a shower, and made a bombass dinner. Scrambled eggbeaters, 2 pieces of bacon (Luckys had a great promotion where they were giving away free food like eggs, bacon, lettuce, carrots if you spent a certain amount of $$. So yeah I got bacon, a head of lettuce and carrots.), sauteed onions, salsa, cheese and lettuce. All wrapped up in some tortillas. So freakin good. Then Davina called and we went to Bakers Square. She had dinner, I just had some apple cheesecake pie and an iced tea. Then we went to Target but I was good and didn't buy anything. We stopped by Rasputins but the close earlier now, major bummer. Also went to Starbucks and I got an iced sugarfree caramel latte. I asked for decaf but they forgot. I hate that. So I was kinda wired for a while. Then we came back to my place and I watched Whos The Boss while she checked her email. And now, I'm here at work. I'm doing more bible study, working on Genesis. Jacob and Esau, good stuff.
  
• I've been in a really great mood and I'd like to thank god for that. I'm truly blessed to have family and friends who care and are helping me through this. I'd also like to note that Michelle has helped SO MUCH lately with the arrangements for you, Mom. Lots of paperwork I don't like dealing with. I'm sure you're proud of her. Your burial is tomorrow afternoon. Jerry's coming up with his wife, Cathy, TJ and I think Amy are going in Cathy's car, and I'm driving Michelle, Dad and Uncle Jim (your bro, not Dad's bro). By the way Dad's brother has gangrene on his butt, have I mentioned that? I know you'd find that amusing. LMAO. Anywhoo, it'll be nice to have some closure you know, to know that you're laid to rest with grandma and grandpa, and Uncle Walt. Dad said he can't wait to be with you again. It wrenches my heart to hear that. I know someday he will be, but not anytime soon hopefully. I can't stand losing too many people at once, dude.
• Well gotta go. I've been watching 80s videos like Toto singing Rosanna. "Meet you all the way.. Rosanna yeah.. " Remember that one? Of course you do we used to listen to that in the car on KYUU back in the day. That and Lionel Richie, Steve Winwood, all the good stuff. Those were the days, when you used a lot of hairspray. And that jammin red/gold striped shirt and your designer jeans from JC Penney. And your white Reeboks. You were stylin. Sometime soon I wanna bombard your room (well you and Dad's) and find more older pics so I can scan them. That would be awesome. Okay well talk to ya later. Love ya.
  

i just keep on smiling

• Hey mom it's me again. The last few days have been pretty okay. Monday I didn't do a whole lot. Just made dinner, watched lots of TV, came to work. After work on Tuesday morning Michelle and I went walking to the duck pond near my house. Sorry I never got to show you where it is. After that we took Happy to the vet to get his nails clipped and pick up some more ointment for his back. I made an appointment for Spencer to get his other shots for next week. Tuesday afternoon my boss at KDFC called and asked if I could run the board for the symphony, and of course I said yes. You know how much I work, I'm insane. So I worked in San Francisco from 7-11pm, then came back to work here in Oakland. I gave Victoria a ride home and here I am now. We're having satellite problems today so it's a little interesting. After work this morning I'm going walking with Michelle again, then it's grocery day. We're dragging Dad with us to Walmart and Luckys as usual. It'll be fun. Speaking of fun my dentist keeps calling for me to make an appointment to get more fillings done. Ugh. It just never ends, as you know. That's why I don't have time for relationships. Working + helping out the family + stuff I have to get done just takes up my time. I never sit at home feeling lonely or sad because I don't have a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend someday since I want to settle down and have kids. All most guys want is sex. I don't want to have sex until I'm married or practically there. Therefore I tend to avoid relationships since I know what most guys are after. It's like I want a relationship (since I want kids hella bad), but most guys don't want to settle down. So confusing. When you were my age you had been married for 9 years. Back in your day people actually did this thing called dating, then married and had sex. Nowadays its like everyone's doing it in middle school, practically. Sex everywhere. It's absolutely awful.
  
• Well Mom I think about you day and night. I have a few friends who are concerned about me since I keep lots of my feelings bottled up inside. I've always been that way. You were that way too. Even on your worst day you always had a great smile and something funny to say. I've always done exactly the same thing. My friend Tricia said something to me at your viewing.. "Whenever I see you, you're always smiling no matter what." That was an awesome compliment, since I know you were always that way too, Mom. I'm going to try and keep living your legacy every single day for the rest of my life. :)