catching you all up to date...

As you all have noticed I haven't blogged in weeks. Well, in case you aren't reading this on my Myspace page, my mom passed away on December 21st. Complications from kidney failure that triggered heart failure. Oh and yeah she had terminal cancer on top of it so the doctors didn't want to treat her kidney failure and give her dialysis. What really matters right now is that she's not suffering anymore. No more medication, no more doctors lacking bedside manner. Where she is, she can walk again. She can eat what she wants. She's with her parents and brother. So I'm happy for my mom, but I'm so sad at the same time. I'm so selfish, and I just wish she was back here with me. Leaving me voicemails that I wish I would have saved, making faces at my camera, telling dirty jokes to TJ, just random things we take for granted. I'm so blessed that God gave me an awesome mom for 27 years. She taught me so much about life and how to live it to the fullest. Now I just hope my mom's looking down on me from heaven and that she's proud of me.

My Christmas was okay, I survived it. It was pretty emotional since Mom had bought several presents for us months before she died. My dad did a lot of crying. I got lots of things that I wanted. The one thing I did want wasn't there, and that was my mom. I did have fun with the rest of my family and friends though. They made life so much more bearable. Oh yeah did I mention I had like a week and a half off from work because of everything that happened? First time I had Christmas off in like 10 years. Not the circumstances I wanted, but still it was cool in a way. I'll post pics of stuff that I got later on in this monster blog.

>Mom's viewing was last Saturday and it was weird. Weird just seeing her laying there, looking like she was sleeping. Lots of people came, like over a hundred. I spent lots of time introducing people to other people. Folks from work came, many close friends, old school teachers who worked with mom, and plenty of relatives. It was awkward introducing friends to my 3rd, 4th/5th, and 6th grade teachers. Also awkward being hugged/kissed by many friends and relatives that I usually don't get cozy with. I have a few eccentric family members, but I wouldn't trade em for the world. Who else wants to hear about vomiting and other bodily functions during a viewing? Makes life interesting, I'll tell ya. Some of you may think it's odd for me to blog about something as personal as my mom's viewing. If you've ever had someone close to you die, then maybe you can relate to it. Maybe you can't. Someday you will. Believe me.

Life is getting back to normal, my blogs will probably become a lot more ordinary and boring. I think I'll start addressing my blogs to my mom herself, as a weird form of therapy I guess. This may weird some of you out, and I'm sorry. I need to express myself somehow. Oh yes here are the pics I promised.


This is 80stastic Kimmie outside of Longs. LOL


Brad is interesting.


Cathy, Dad and Spencer on Christmas.


A nice big weiner and cheese that Mom had picked out for me from Hickory Farms months before she passed. Thanks Mom! *pointing to heaven*


Tea from Starbucks that Mom had picked out and someone's *cough Cathy cough* Jack Daniels.


This cup was supposed to be for my mom. Now I use it.


Sandi sent these flowers.. thank you girl they are beautiful.


Peppermint scented candle I got.. it smells PURTY..


Michelle gave me this t-shirt.


Part of my tree, I think Santa and the kitties are cute.


Yummy!


Best show ever, dude.


Another one of the best shows.. well crime shows.


These presents were for my mom. Now they're just in a bag in the back of my closet.

I realized that I forgot to take pics of some stuff, so I may post most Xmas stuff I got later on. My bad.. especially Noelle.. oopsies.

Oh yes and I can't express how much all of your kind words and thoughts have helped me the last few weeks. Whether here on Myspace, or texting me, calling me (I'm sorry Dusty dear I need to call you back I'm a weiner), hanging out, or coming to Mom's viewing. Just showing you care is the best thing to do. And you all do it well. I have the best support network imaginable. I love all you guys oh so much.

sometimes im up, sometimes i'm down

• Mom's still in ICU, hanging on as hard as she can. We're all praying and hangin tough, since that's the only thing left to do. Why this has to happen around Christmas, I don't understand. My future Christmases are all going to be hard, but I'm going to get through it. I have the best friends and family in the world, I swear. I love all you guys so much.
  
• I'm feeling so much better today then I was yesterday. Yesterday stunk. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that I did. Like 10 hours on Tuesday, and about 10 hours on Monday too. I did actually wake up at 3:30pm so I had time to get ready and see my mom at the hospital for about 30 minutes, then went to a work dinner at Applebees in Alameda. That was fun and kept my mind off things. I'm apparently the resident network control comedian so folks expected me to fire off wisecracks right and left, and I did just that. I'll try to post pics and maybe a video tomorrow. I know my boss and Victoria also took pics and I'll get em from them in the next day or so.
  
• This morning I'm planning to hit the gym and visit my momma, then go home, start some laundry and hit the hay. Not too thrilling, but I do need the sleep.
  

please keep praying....

Well I'm sitting here at work, feeling pretty down again. Mom's back in the hospital. Her blood pressure was way low yesterday morning so Michelle called 911. She's in ICU, she has a serious bladder infection that has screwed up her kidneys royally. She's also having seizures, I think it's due to the brain tumor since I don't know if she got any steroids yesterday. It sucks. So I need all of your prayers for a miracle, okay? I need positive thoughts from everyone.

On a happier note, my weekend was okay.. well at least Friday and Saturday were. I hit the gym on Friday morning. Friday afternoon we tried to get mom into radiation but their machine wasn't working and my mom was uber upset so we left. Friday night Noelle and I ate dinner at Mimis, walked around Newpark Mall, went to Borders in Union City, then back to her place to watch the latest episode of Criminal Minds. It was pretty fun. Saturday I worked in San Fran in the morning, then spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. Mikey and Davina were both supposed to come over, but Mikey had to help his dad with something. Davina was going to come over later and help wrap presents, but I went to bed at like 9:30 so I texted her not to worry about it. I watched My Girl 2 (with Tj's Dad, he was on a 1 1/2 hr beer break apparently.. lol), Parenthood, and Legend Of Billie Jean. I also put together a video of some of my favorite moments with friends.. I'll post that in a second. I did drink two rum + diet cokes and a rum + eggnog. So I enjoyed myself. So my weekend was great, then it sucked.

Here's the video I made.. it's um interesting..

I was bored

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Here's a bonus video someone made of Jeff Goldblum to Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback".. it cheered me up a lot.

tgif

• Well I'm very thankful that another weekend is upon us. I really need it. I'm not as weary and blah as I was yesterday, or the day before. That's a good thing. This morning I'm hoping to hit the gym again, and squeeze in about 6 hours of sleep before mom has her radiation treatment. This evening I'm planning on kickin it with Noelle. We're gonna go to dinner at Mimi's, and then take it from there. I have Saturday afternoon/night off and I want to spend it relaxing. I have plenty of movies to watch, and I need to veg out. Sunday morning I'm going to church then have to take my parents' van to be smogged. Fun stuff, huh?
  
• This whole ongoing battle with my mom's health has really put things into perspective. We take everything for granted. The breaths we take, the sunrise in the morning. Clouds in the sky, iced peppermint mochas at Starbucks. A hot 80s dance jam, and kittycats wrestling. I'm learning to be thankful for everything God has blessed me with. Every single thing in this world, God created. Okay some smartypants folks might say "Well some barista at Starbucks made your peppermint mocha". Yes but God created the barista in his/her mother's womb, God made the cow that produced the milk, yadda yadda. So I am so thankful everyday when I wake up and see these beautiful things around me.
  
• Of course a phat shout out to my friends again, you guys are great at cheering me up. TJ doesn't have a Myspace but I wanna thank him for unclogging the kitchen sink and setting up my Christmas tree. He's a great roommate, and a great competitor in farting contests. Sandi and Kimmie leave me awesome encouragement, and Noelle lost her dad to cancer about 13 years ago so she has an idea what I'm going through. She is an awesome friend. Cathy wants to steal Spencer from me and keeps stuffing him down her shirts. Weirdo. I feel bad for Cathy since she still lives with my folks and can't escape the constant stress from having two ailing parents and a difficult older sister. Okay well Michelle is a bit psycho, but she's providing great care for my mom and dad right now, and I'd rather have her there than some weird in-home nurse person. I am fortunate enough to live away from home, so I can escape to my place for stressfree sleepy and relaxation time. Okay, that's enough for today. Everyone have a great and safe weekend, be thankful and merry.
  

spreading the cheer

• Well I'm feeling a little better today. I was a little down in the dumps yesterday morning, and even skipped the gym. I had like no motivation. Depression makes me exhausted. This morning I am forcing myself to go work out. Later on Mom has a kidney dr. appt, then I can go sleep at least 5 hours. Then I get to do grocery shopping with Michelle. I hope to get home by 9pm, a new episode of Criminal Minds is on. Starting on Friday, mom has radiation treatment 10 minutes a day, 5 days a week for at least 2 weeks. Excluding Christmas day, I think. Anyway, yeah my schedule is a bit nuts. I don't mind it though, my family means the world to me. No rest for the weary, so they say.
  
• Again, let me just thank you all for being the most supportive network of friends anyone could ask for. When I'm down, you all pick me up. God does too of course, he's the one who brought you all to me. I hope that everyone else has the best holiday ever, and I mean it. Just because my Christmas season is crappy, doesn't mean that I have to spread the crap. It's time to spread the cheer, folks. Speaking of spreading the cheer I've drank so many iced peppermint mochas and eggnog lattes in the last month that I've drank enough cheer for the city of San Leandro as a whole. Okay digressing.. everyone go out there and enjoy your holiday season..that's an order. Mmmmmkay???
  

Another 80stastic weekend

• Well my weekend was pretty cool. Friday morning I took Mom, Dad and Michelle to the doctor, then I got my tire patched at WheelWorks. I went home and had a hard time sleeping, maybe slept 3 or so hours. Then I had to wake up and pick up a presciption for my mom at Longs, and by the time I got home there was no point in going back to bed. So I took a shower, ate dinner, watched Mac & Me with Cathy and TJ, then went to Noelle's. At her house I watched lots of Criminal Minds and fell asleep on her bed, as usual. Saturday morning I worked in San Fran, visited my mom for a bit, then went off to Lodi. Kimmie and I had loads of fun. We had Taco Bell for dinner, and watched the New Kids' Step By Step video, The Babysitter starring a scary William Shatner, Vibes, High School USA, and Mac & Me. By that time it was almost 1am and I was pooped. Oh yeah we played Monopoly and got totally bored, and ended up quitting after about 2 hours. On Sunday, we got up early and did some shopping. First we went to Longs but there wasn't much there. Picked up Amy's Xmas gift though. So we went to lunch at Lyons across the street and her mom joined us. She gave me a bag full of gifts which I totally didn't expect. I'll describe what she and what Kimmie gave me in a bit. So after lunch we went to Kmart and Big Lots. We took some interesting video blogs all day long. I mean really interesting. Almost all of my Xmas shopping is done, and that's a relief. When we got back to her place we watched Ghostbusters and Vice Versa while playing The 80's Game. I won 2 out of 3 games, it was awesome. Oh yeah, before our shopping excursion we watched like 3 episodes of Growing Pains. Haha.
  
• Oh yeah.. just to let you know Kimmie spoiled me big time. I got a Greatest American Hero t-shirt, Greatest American Hero season one, Mommie Dearest the book (inside was some bank receipt from 1979.. bonus!!), the novelization of Flowers In The Attic, Flowers In The Attic the movie, The Legend Of Billie Jean, Harry And The Hendersons, My Girl/My Girl 2, Freaky Friday (the original with Jodie Foster), Mannequin, and last month she had given me Muppet ornaments and a retrotastic angel for my tree. Her momma gave me an overnight bag (for when I come and visit), a Guess purse (haha), coffee, Kimmie's senior pic in a nice frame, and a nice coffee mug with a box of tea. I swear I didn't expect this much stuff, dude. WOWEEEE.
  
• All in all I had a great weekend and I'm very blessed to have friends like I do. I still had random periods where I couldn't get my mom and her situation out of my head. It sucked. It's like my emotions are a yo-yo. One day I'm great, next day I'm not even wanting to get out of bed. I guess it's just part of the process of what I'm going through. God only knows what's going through my mom's head. Hopefully she's hanging tight with Jesus. I sure am. He's my main man, he's gonna help me through this one. Again, thank you all for the encouragement lately, especially you Sandi. I didn't get a chance to thank you for the comment you left on my last blog, it really touched me. Oh P.S. people, I need addresses, I'll be sending out cards this week. Love you guys!!
  

just another crappy day

• Today is just another crappy day. Some days I'm feeling good, other days I just feel like poo. I'm still trying to think positive, but it's really hard to do so. Why this has to happen over the holidays, I don't know. It's also rainy and cold outside, making my mood even more gloomy. I slept 8 hours today, actually almost 9. I was supposed to get up at 8pm and my alarm went off, but I turned it off and just crawled back in bed for like 45 more minutes. It's like I'd rather sleep my depression away, and maybe if I wake up later it'll all be a bad dream. I honestly don't think I'm getting a tree this year. My first Christmas in 27 years with no tree. I have like no time first of all, and second just hearing Christmas music makes me sad/angry. A tree would make me feel 10 times worse.
  
• Also, I think I have a slow leak on my rear drivers side tire. I kinda hit the curb hard at the Wendys drive thru last Saturday night, and ever since then I've had to fill up that tire three times. So yeah after Mom's doctor appt this morning I'm gonna head over to WheelWorks to get it checked out. It's raining and I'm driving to Lodi on Saturday, so I'd like to get this fixed ASAP.
  
• God sure is throwing me for a loop, huh? I really don't like what's going on right now, obviously, but it's all out of my hands. All I can do is pray. A lot. I am so looking forward to this weekend, a nice getaway from all the crap. Thank you all for your love and support. You guys are the best!!
  

blah blah blah

• I'm having another one of those blah melancholy days. I woke up earlier this evening depressed about my mom's situation and the holidays and such. Then I wrapped a few presents and felt a little better. Then I just finished about 30 min of bible study and did some praying, and I feel a slightly more spiritually lifted. I guess I just put myself in my mom's shoes, and it makes me sad. I should be thankful for what I have, the great friends who are helping me, I have two jobs, a nice car, things like that. I just care about my mom so much that it kills me to see her suffering like this. But everything happens for a reason, even if I don't understand it now. Still really makes me bummed.
  
• The last few days have been pretty good, all in all. I didn't get to bed until like 11am on Monday since I ended up getting overtime here at work, since Brad was late. Then I had to take my parents' van to the dealership and get a ride back. Yesterday I had breakfast with Leeanne, then we hung out at my place where she snoozed while I watched 80s movies. Davina came over and did my eyebrows. I have the most awesome friends, dude. I did get 9 hours of sleep today off and on, and yesterday too. Today I'll probably sleep about 6 hours.. gotta retrieve the van from the dealership this morning and I'm determined to get to the freakin gym. This evening is grocery shopping at Walmart and Luckys. Oh the fun.
  

Pretty awesome weekend

I had a pretty darn good weekend, folks. I think I deserved it. Friday morning I had to run some errands for my mom, picking up extra food and such. Eventually I got to bed at like 10am that day. That evening Cathy, Alisha and Fernando came over. I had like 3 rum + diet wild cherry pepsis. We played Scene It and CatchPhrase, and took some interesting pics. I took an entertaining video but Myspace didn't like me yesterday so I've got to try and upload it again later today. I worked Saturday morning, and spent Saturday afternoon running my parents and Michelle to Longs, Target, Starbucks and Jack In The Box. It was a little stressful since no one told me what the heck we were buying at each place, and so on. Then I came home in the evening and watched movies with Cathy and TJ. We all went to bed at like 10pm, and I was bushed anyway. On Sunday morning Davina and I decided to try out a different church in Alameda, the Bay Farm Community Church. To tell you the truth I found it pretty boring. It was nice, and I could tell the pastor was trying to use a little effort. The congregation and the band seemed kind of asleep. I love Faith Fellowship in San Leandro where I usually go. Now they know how to get the party started. I won't be able to go next week though, I'll be in Lodi with Kimmie. Oh well. Oh yeah after church we went shopping there on Park Street and ate lunch at La Pinata. So freakin good. I ate half of a chicken super burrito, and I'm eating the other half right now. I also hit up a thift store, and found tons of 80s magazines. I picked up 3, and I'll scan some of the best pics soon.. that would make one fascinating blog. Afterwards I visited my momma at home and went to Noelle's. We watched the end of the Raiders game, then some boring crap her mom was interested in, ate some pepperoni pizza, and watched three episodes of Criminal Minds she had Tivo'd. I think she watched some Family Matters after that but I was snoozing on her bed. Then I came here to work. The End.

Oh yeah, I did go to the gym on Friday morning. I would go today but I'm really tired, and I need to drop my parents' van off at the dealership to get fixed so it can pass the smog test. Then I get to go home and do a little housework. I should be in bed by like 10am, hopefully. Planning on hitting the gym Tuesday and maybe Wednesday this week. Rest of the week I'm booked.

Oh and yes my mom is hanging in there. She's at home watching lots of movies and being cranky. I think it's her meds making her irritable. Oh well.

Fernando with Spencer and Alf on my couch.


Fernando, Cathy and I chillin


Best Friends Forever!!!!