dear momma #1

• Hey mom, it's me. Just thought I'd write a blog here to let you know how things are going. Life is getting somewhat back to normal. I'm back at work, on Myspace 24-7 and talking to friends online. My friends are helping me so much with getting through this. I wake up everyday refreshed lately, happy to have another day. I guess that's a good thing huh? Then I feel guilty, since I'm here, and you're not. Not physically at least.
  
• The rest of the family's trying to cope. Dad's trying to be strong, but lately he's been so depressed. Very understandable, you two were married for 43 years. Now he just has us girls. It's been so hard to see him sit and cry thinking about you. Michelle is so great, she's taking so much responsibility. You know she's always tried to take charge and now it's a good thing. She's trying to fill your shoes in her own way and look after Dad and the household. Cathy is handling it the best way she can. She enjoys her solitude it seems. I love Cathy oh so much.
  
• It was weird at your viewing, seeing you laying there. I swear you looked like you were asleep, taking a nap. We kept carrying on for hours, talking, crying, laughing, hugging. And you just laid there. If only you could hear what some people were talking about, especially certain aunts going on about bodily functions. But I kept looking over at you from time to time, and you were still there.. dead. The finality just sucks sometimes you know.
  
• I only hope that I never ever forget you. I know some folks have lost loved ones, and memories fade. I don't want the memories to fade. The other night we were playing selections from Broadway musicals on KDFC, and all I could think about was you watching West Side Story and Picnic. I just ate a few Christmas cookies, and I remembered how we used to make cut-out Christmas cookies and decorate them, and I'd sneak little pieces of dough. I don't want these memories and pieces of you to slip away. I also remember your fudge you used to make. Oh man that was good. And carrot salad with the pineapple and raisins.. mmmmm. I'm hungry now. Oh yeah and in high school when you used to pack our lunches in the brown paper bags and make little illustrations and cartoons on them. That was awesome. I can write a novel of just the memories of you in my head. Like chaperoning my 4th grade field trip to Pier 39 in San Francisco, and I was the only girl in our group. Mark and Orazio bought that whoopie cushion, and you bought Antonio some little chocolate bottles with the liquor inside for his mom. Oh yeah by the way, Ms. Vollov, Mrs. Gamoso and her son Diony, Miss Pappalardo and Mrs. Siple all came to the viewing. Interesting to see all those teachers at once. They all seemed to mix up Michelle and Cathy but definitely remembered me. Haha. Guess I'm pretty hard to forget. Oh yeah, did I mention I actually wore a skirt? Yeah shocking but true. Even Terry was impressed.
  
• Well enough for today I guess. I have plenty of memories to share in my next blog to ya and I hope to never forget them. Your burial was supposed to be this weekend, but the forecast predicts lots of rain and wind and crap, so it's postponed until the 12th. I've decided to visit Kimmie this weekend instead and have some fun. I love you so much and I hope you're having a blast up there with Grandma, Jesus, and everyone else. Did you say hi to John Ritter yet? You always liked him. Until next blog (and I talk out loud to you all day long, it seems).. I love ya!!

Lisa

P.S. Kim had baby Joshua the day after Xmas, he looks really cute. And no Caden didn't come to the viewing, Terry didn't want her covering everyone in stickers, including you. Ya never know, 3 year olds are a trip.