another ordinary day

• Hey there momma, what's up? Okay that was stupid. I know what's up, you're in heaven. Well anyway moving on from that awkward beginning.. life is doing pretty okay. Not a whole lot going on. Monday morning I took Spencer to the vet for shots and a check up. He's doing just great. He has to go for more shots on Feb 11th. Ironic since that's when Grandma died 17 years ago. Oh well. He really likes the Dr. Bridgeport though, he was kinda whiny in the car on the way there but was perfectly fine once we got in the waiting room. He was purring while she was examining him, it was cute. Monday night I came into work early and did almost a 12 hour shift. Victoria was sick.
  
• Tuesday morning after leaving work about 30 minutes early I hit the gym and did some cardio and some ab work. I know my abs are there somewhere under my belly fat. Haha. Anyway after that I picked up Michelle and Dad and we did our weekly grocery run. We actually are learning how to budget. Hallelujah it's a miracle, I know. I got a new bra and more Muppet underwear there at Walmart. I'm wearing Miss Piggy right now. Great huh? Dad just loved being in the women's underwear department for those 10 minutes. Haha. After Walmart we went to Luckys and didn't spend that much like we sometimes do. I got veggies, cereal, milk, ice cream, all that necessary stuff. Then I went home and went to bed. Tuesday night I got up, made some grilled chicken wraps for dinner, did some dishes, watched Scrubs and Coming Unglued starring Judge Reinhold, then took a nap before work. And yeah here I am.
  
• Cathy got an awesome tattoo on her calf with your face on it. It must have cost a lot of money. I'm pondering getting one, but um not that detailed. Looked painful. I think about you everyday, and miss you so much. Sometimes I wake up and wish it was all just a bad dream, ya know. I was like that when Grandma died too. This is going to sound odd but when Grandma died, good came out of it. We would have never become best friends with Fernando and Michael if she hadn't died and we hadn't have moved in across the street from them. Everything happens for a reason. So there was a reason God took you when he did. He didn't want you to suffer anymore of course, but there are other reasons we don't know about yet. That's okay, I trust in God and I know he's got a purpose for everything that happens.
  

finally laid to rest

Hey momma, me again. I had a pretty good weekend, considering the circumstances. Friday night I hung out with Noelle, Michelle, Jolene and Amanda. We went to the Great Mall in Milpitas. I was bad and had Burger King for dinner on the way down there. Then I had a cookie and a brownie mocha thing at the Nestle Toll House booth. I was BAD. We had a lot of fun walking around, though. I got a Bert & Ernie decal for my back window, either TJ or Noelle will help me put it on this week.

On Saturday was your burial in Sebastopol. In attendance were myself, Michelle, Dad, Cathy, Amy, Fernando, Grace, little Joey and of course Jerry led the service. Or is it Gerry? I've always spelled it with a J. Anyway, yeah we cried a lot. I was surprised that Fernando and Grace drove all the way up there. Guess I know who my true friends are. Not that the rest of you are not my true friends. Fernando just insisted on coming and he's one of my best friends ever. The service was beautiful, Jerry did a great job. I showed Fernando where Grandma Joe, Grandpa George, Uncle Walt, Aunt Betty, and our great grandparents are buried. He thought it was pretty neat. I don't know morbid it is that I took pics of everyone's plaque/marker thing. I know Kim and Elaine will probably want to see them. After the service we went for lunch at Subway. TJ got called into work, left early, sped all the way up there, and somehow found us there. He was too late for the service, but the effort that he made getting up there showed he really cares. You meant a lot to him, ya know. After lunch we drove back and I dropped off Dad, Michelle and Uncle Jim. Oh yeah, Uncle Jim was singing some songs from Macarthur Park about leaving a cake out in the rain. Really loud. While I was stuck in traffic. I can see the weirdness is hereditary. Haha. Later on in the afternoon I did a little housework, then Cathy and Amanda came over, so did Jeff. Cathy, Amanda and I played Uno while watching Scrubs, some Lifetime movie about a fat girl winning homecoming queen, and SNL. Cathy made me take like 3-4 shots of rum, so I was interesting. I know you don't approve of us getting plastered, and I'm sorry.

On Sunday morning I went to church. You always encouraged me to go and I'm glad that I went. The music was poppin and the message was great. Talking about how we need to do what God asks us to do. When he speaks, we need to listen and obey even if it doesn't make sense, even if we're afraid. Amen to that. Later on Davina came over and we walked to the duck pond, and around it for a while. Then we went to Rasputins and I got Holy Man (since you know how I love Jeff Goldblum) and Downtown starring Anthony Edwards. He's hot but his hair looked just like TJ's so it's hilarious. I haven't watched that one yet, I will on Tuesday or something. Then I took a nice long nap and went to work. Yay.




Here's all of us at the cemetery. That light shining down on us must have been you. :)


Uncle Jim serenading me with his coffee.

• Hey there momma. Well it's the end of another work week for me. It's been a pretty good one I would say. Let's see Wednesday I didn't get in bed until after noon, then got up around 7ish. Watched some TV, did housework, made food, went to work. After work on Thursday morning Michelle and I went walking to the duck pond over by my house. You would love it there, momma. Especially the mallards. I think one of these days I'll take Dad over there, he loves birds and stuff. After our walk I took Michelle on a few errands then home for sleep. Thursday evening I got up around 6, took a shower, and made a bombass dinner. Scrambled eggbeaters, 2 pieces of bacon (Luckys had a great promotion where they were giving away free food like eggs, bacon, lettuce, carrots if you spent a certain amount of $$. So yeah I got bacon, a head of lettuce and carrots.), sauteed onions, salsa, cheese and lettuce. All wrapped up in some tortillas. So freakin good. Then Davina called and we went to Bakers Square. She had dinner, I just had some apple cheesecake pie and an iced tea. Then we went to Target but I was good and didn't buy anything. We stopped by Rasputins but the close earlier now, major bummer. Also went to Starbucks and I got an iced sugarfree caramel latte. I asked for decaf but they forgot. I hate that. So I was kinda wired for a while. Then we came back to my place and I watched Whos The Boss while she checked her email. And now, I'm here at work. I'm doing more bible study, working on Genesis. Jacob and Esau, good stuff.
  
• I've been in a really great mood and I'd like to thank god for that. I'm truly blessed to have family and friends who care and are helping me through this. I'd also like to note that Michelle has helped SO MUCH lately with the arrangements for you, Mom. Lots of paperwork I don't like dealing with. I'm sure you're proud of her. Your burial is tomorrow afternoon. Jerry's coming up with his wife, Cathy, TJ and I think Amy are going in Cathy's car, and I'm driving Michelle, Dad and Uncle Jim (your bro, not Dad's bro). By the way Dad's brother has gangrene on his butt, have I mentioned that? I know you'd find that amusing. LMAO. Anywhoo, it'll be nice to have some closure you know, to know that you're laid to rest with grandma and grandpa, and Uncle Walt. Dad said he can't wait to be with you again. It wrenches my heart to hear that. I know someday he will be, but not anytime soon hopefully. I can't stand losing too many people at once, dude.
• Well gotta go. I've been watching 80s videos like Toto singing Rosanna. "Meet you all the way.. Rosanna yeah.. " Remember that one? Of course you do we used to listen to that in the car on KYUU back in the day. That and Lionel Richie, Steve Winwood, all the good stuff. Those were the days, when you used a lot of hairspray. And that jammin red/gold striped shirt and your designer jeans from JC Penney. And your white Reeboks. You were stylin. Sometime soon I wanna bombard your room (well you and Dad's) and find more older pics so I can scan them. That would be awesome. Okay well talk to ya later. Love ya.
  

i just keep on smiling

• Hey mom it's me again. The last few days have been pretty okay. Monday I didn't do a whole lot. Just made dinner, watched lots of TV, came to work. After work on Tuesday morning Michelle and I went walking to the duck pond near my house. Sorry I never got to show you where it is. After that we took Happy to the vet to get his nails clipped and pick up some more ointment for his back. I made an appointment for Spencer to get his other shots for next week. Tuesday afternoon my boss at KDFC called and asked if I could run the board for the symphony, and of course I said yes. You know how much I work, I'm insane. So I worked in San Francisco from 7-11pm, then came back to work here in Oakland. I gave Victoria a ride home and here I am now. We're having satellite problems today so it's a little interesting. After work this morning I'm going walking with Michelle again, then it's grocery day. We're dragging Dad with us to Walmart and Luckys as usual. It'll be fun. Speaking of fun my dentist keeps calling for me to make an appointment to get more fillings done. Ugh. It just never ends, as you know. That's why I don't have time for relationships. Working + helping out the family + stuff I have to get done just takes up my time. I never sit at home feeling lonely or sad because I don't have a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend someday since I want to settle down and have kids. All most guys want is sex. I don't want to have sex until I'm married or practically there. Therefore I tend to avoid relationships since I know what most guys are after. It's like I want a relationship (since I want kids hella bad), but most guys don't want to settle down. So confusing. When you were my age you had been married for 9 years. Back in your day people actually did this thing called dating, then married and had sex. Nowadays its like everyone's doing it in middle school, practically. Sex everywhere. It's absolutely awful.
  
• Well Mom I think about you day and night. I have a few friends who are concerned about me since I keep lots of my feelings bottled up inside. I've always been that way. You were that way too. Even on your worst day you always had a great smile and something funny to say. I've always done exactly the same thing. My friend Tricia said something to me at your viewing.. "Whenever I see you, you're always smiling no matter what." That was an awesome compliment, since I know you were always that way too, Mom. I'm going to try and keep living your legacy every single day for the rest of my life. :)
  

had a fantastic weekend

• Hey Mom, I'm back. I had a great weekend. I was thinking about you a lot, as I always seem to do. Friday I didn't get much sleep since I had to take Dad and Michelle to Social Security in the middle of the day. Friday night I went to El Torito with Noelle and Michelle, it was yummy. They charge for extra tortillas now, how horrible. You know I love my tortillas. Afterward we went to Walmart, dropped off Michelle and back to Noelle's to watch TV and stuff. I watched a few eps of Criminal Minds with one of my TV boyfriends Dr. Reid (yeah that skinny dorky guy), and kinda snoozed through some Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers. One of the guys on Law & Order looks like Brad from work. Haha.
• Saturday morning I worked at KDFC, then drove off to Lodi to hang with Kimmie. Oh by the way, we are having horrible weather. Three storms this last weekend. On the way to Kimmie's it was raining pretty hard and really windy. But I had Jesus and you watching my back and I got there okay. I drove like an old person, so that strategy helped. Altamont Pass was kinda scary though. Anyway, I did have fun at Kimmie's. We watched the Sesame Street Pilot and The Great Outdoors (starring Dan Aykroyd and John Candy), then I went to Carl's Jr to get our dinner. I had a burrito with rice and beans. Later we watched Superman, National Lampoon's Last Resort (with Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.. we only watched for like an hour since it made no sense whatsoever), Katherine (starring Henry Winkler and Sissy Spacek and looked like an ABC Movie Of The Week from 1981 or something), an episode of Highway To Heaven (say hey to Michael Landon if you run into him), and three episodes of Punky Brewster.
  
• On Sunday we got up around 1pm and I went to Quizno's for our lunch. I had a turkey ranch swiss sandwich and a salad. Then we continued our movie marathon with Superman II. We played The Game Of Life while watching this one. I was an accountant, got married with a son. Interesting. Then I started drawing bad illustrations of various 80s icons that only Kimmie and I would understand. My favorite was Michael Landon trying to be a drug dealer, and the Greatest American Hero. Kimmie's sister and niece came over for a bit since Kimmie had to print something out for them. I bet they thought we were insane. Later I picked up A&W for dinner (I had a chicken sandwich and chili), and we watched Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Judge Reinhold is so dorky and cute. Then I drove back to San Lorenzo and got some food, and here I am.
  
• I still really miss you mom. Dad is still really upset that you're gone. You were his rock, you know. Now all he has is us three girls. He'll get through this. I will too. Love ya.
  

dear momma #1

• Hey mom, it's me. Just thought I'd write a blog here to let you know how things are going. Life is getting somewhat back to normal. I'm back at work, on Myspace 24-7 and talking to friends online. My friends are helping me so much with getting through this. I wake up everyday refreshed lately, happy to have another day. I guess that's a good thing huh? Then I feel guilty, since I'm here, and you're not. Not physically at least.
  
• The rest of the family's trying to cope. Dad's trying to be strong, but lately he's been so depressed. Very understandable, you two were married for 43 years. Now he just has us girls. It's been so hard to see him sit and cry thinking about you. Michelle is so great, she's taking so much responsibility. You know she's always tried to take charge and now it's a good thing. She's trying to fill your shoes in her own way and look after Dad and the household. Cathy is handling it the best way she can. She enjoys her solitude it seems. I love Cathy oh so much.
  
• It was weird at your viewing, seeing you laying there. I swear you looked like you were asleep, taking a nap. We kept carrying on for hours, talking, crying, laughing, hugging. And you just laid there. If only you could hear what some people were talking about, especially certain aunts going on about bodily functions. But I kept looking over at you from time to time, and you were still there.. dead. The finality just sucks sometimes you know.
  
• I only hope that I never ever forget you. I know some folks have lost loved ones, and memories fade. I don't want the memories to fade. The other night we were playing selections from Broadway musicals on KDFC, and all I could think about was you watching West Side Story and Picnic. I just ate a few Christmas cookies, and I remembered how we used to make cut-out Christmas cookies and decorate them, and I'd sneak little pieces of dough. I don't want these memories and pieces of you to slip away. I also remember your fudge you used to make. Oh man that was good. And carrot salad with the pineapple and raisins.. mmmmm. I'm hungry now. Oh yeah and in high school when you used to pack our lunches in the brown paper bags and make little illustrations and cartoons on them. That was awesome. I can write a novel of just the memories of you in my head. Like chaperoning my 4th grade field trip to Pier 39 in San Francisco, and I was the only girl in our group. Mark and Orazio bought that whoopie cushion, and you bought Antonio some little chocolate bottles with the liquor inside for his mom. Oh yeah by the way, Ms. Vollov, Mrs. Gamoso and her son Diony, Miss Pappalardo and Mrs. Siple all came to the viewing. Interesting to see all those teachers at once. They all seemed to mix up Michelle and Cathy but definitely remembered me. Haha. Guess I'm pretty hard to forget. Oh yeah, did I mention I actually wore a skirt? Yeah shocking but true. Even Terry was impressed.
  
• Well enough for today I guess. I have plenty of memories to share in my next blog to ya and I hope to never forget them. Your burial was supposed to be this weekend, but the forecast predicts lots of rain and wind and crap, so it's postponed until the 12th. I've decided to visit Kimmie this weekend instead and have some fun. I love you so much and I hope you're having a blast up there with Grandma, Jesus, and everyone else. Did you say hi to John Ritter yet? You always liked him. Until next blog (and I talk out loud to you all day long, it seems).. I love ya!!

Lisa

P.S. Kim had baby Joshua the day after Xmas, he looks really cute. And no Caden didn't come to the viewing, Terry didn't want her covering everyone in stickers, including you. Ya never know, 3 year olds are a trip.

catching you all up to date...

As you all have noticed I haven't blogged in weeks. Well, in case you aren't reading this on my Myspace page, my mom passed away on December 21st. Complications from kidney failure that triggered heart failure. Oh and yeah she had terminal cancer on top of it so the doctors didn't want to treat her kidney failure and give her dialysis. What really matters right now is that she's not suffering anymore. No more medication, no more doctors lacking bedside manner. Where she is, she can walk again. She can eat what she wants. She's with her parents and brother. So I'm happy for my mom, but I'm so sad at the same time. I'm so selfish, and I just wish she was back here with me. Leaving me voicemails that I wish I would have saved, making faces at my camera, telling dirty jokes to TJ, just random things we take for granted. I'm so blessed that God gave me an awesome mom for 27 years. She taught me so much about life and how to live it to the fullest. Now I just hope my mom's looking down on me from heaven and that she's proud of me.

My Christmas was okay, I survived it. It was pretty emotional since Mom had bought several presents for us months before she died. My dad did a lot of crying. I got lots of things that I wanted. The one thing I did want wasn't there, and that was my mom. I did have fun with the rest of my family and friends though. They made life so much more bearable. Oh yeah did I mention I had like a week and a half off from work because of everything that happened? First time I had Christmas off in like 10 years. Not the circumstances I wanted, but still it was cool in a way. I'll post pics of stuff that I got later on in this monster blog.

>Mom's viewing was last Saturday and it was weird. Weird just seeing her laying there, looking like she was sleeping. Lots of people came, like over a hundred. I spent lots of time introducing people to other people. Folks from work came, many close friends, old school teachers who worked with mom, and plenty of relatives. It was awkward introducing friends to my 3rd, 4th/5th, and 6th grade teachers. Also awkward being hugged/kissed by many friends and relatives that I usually don't get cozy with. I have a few eccentric family members, but I wouldn't trade em for the world. Who else wants to hear about vomiting and other bodily functions during a viewing? Makes life interesting, I'll tell ya. Some of you may think it's odd for me to blog about something as personal as my mom's viewing. If you've ever had someone close to you die, then maybe you can relate to it. Maybe you can't. Someday you will. Believe me.

Life is getting back to normal, my blogs will probably become a lot more ordinary and boring. I think I'll start addressing my blogs to my mom herself, as a weird form of therapy I guess. This may weird some of you out, and I'm sorry. I need to express myself somehow. Oh yes here are the pics I promised.


This is 80stastic Kimmie outside of Longs. LOL


Brad is interesting.


Cathy, Dad and Spencer on Christmas.


A nice big weiner and cheese that Mom had picked out for me from Hickory Farms months before she passed. Thanks Mom! *pointing to heaven*


Tea from Starbucks that Mom had picked out and someone's *cough Cathy cough* Jack Daniels.


This cup was supposed to be for my mom. Now I use it.


Sandi sent these flowers.. thank you girl they are beautiful.


Peppermint scented candle I got.. it smells PURTY..


Michelle gave me this t-shirt.


Part of my tree, I think Santa and the kitties are cute.


Yummy!


Best show ever, dude.


Another one of the best shows.. well crime shows.


These presents were for my mom. Now they're just in a bag in the back of my closet.

I realized that I forgot to take pics of some stuff, so I may post most Xmas stuff I got later on. My bad.. especially Noelle.. oopsies.

Oh yes and I can't express how much all of your kind words and thoughts have helped me the last few weeks. Whether here on Myspace, or texting me, calling me (I'm sorry Dusty dear I need to call you back I'm a weiner), hanging out, or coming to Mom's viewing. Just showing you care is the best thing to do. And you all do it well. I have the best support network imaginable. I love all you guys oh so much.

sometimes im up, sometimes i'm down

• Mom's still in ICU, hanging on as hard as she can. We're all praying and hangin tough, since that's the only thing left to do. Why this has to happen around Christmas, I don't understand. My future Christmases are all going to be hard, but I'm going to get through it. I have the best friends and family in the world, I swear. I love all you guys so much.
  
• I'm feeling so much better today then I was yesterday. Yesterday stunk. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that I did. Like 10 hours on Tuesday, and about 10 hours on Monday too. I did actually wake up at 3:30pm so I had time to get ready and see my mom at the hospital for about 30 minutes, then went to a work dinner at Applebees in Alameda. That was fun and kept my mind off things. I'm apparently the resident network control comedian so folks expected me to fire off wisecracks right and left, and I did just that. I'll try to post pics and maybe a video tomorrow. I know my boss and Victoria also took pics and I'll get em from them in the next day or so.
  
• This morning I'm planning to hit the gym and visit my momma, then go home, start some laundry and hit the hay. Not too thrilling, but I do need the sleep.
  

please keep praying....

Well I'm sitting here at work, feeling pretty down again. Mom's back in the hospital. Her blood pressure was way low yesterday morning so Michelle called 911. She's in ICU, she has a serious bladder infection that has screwed up her kidneys royally. She's also having seizures, I think it's due to the brain tumor since I don't know if she got any steroids yesterday. It sucks. So I need all of your prayers for a miracle, okay? I need positive thoughts from everyone.

On a happier note, my weekend was okay.. well at least Friday and Saturday were. I hit the gym on Friday morning. Friday afternoon we tried to get mom into radiation but their machine wasn't working and my mom was uber upset so we left. Friday night Noelle and I ate dinner at Mimis, walked around Newpark Mall, went to Borders in Union City, then back to her place to watch the latest episode of Criminal Minds. It was pretty fun. Saturday I worked in San Fran in the morning, then spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. Mikey and Davina were both supposed to come over, but Mikey had to help his dad with something. Davina was going to come over later and help wrap presents, but I went to bed at like 9:30 so I texted her not to worry about it. I watched My Girl 2 (with Tj's Dad, he was on a 1 1/2 hr beer break apparently.. lol), Parenthood, and Legend Of Billie Jean. I also put together a video of some of my favorite moments with friends.. I'll post that in a second. I did drink two rum + diet cokes and a rum + eggnog. So I enjoyed myself. So my weekend was great, then it sucked.

Here's the video I made.. it's um interesting..

I was bored

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Here's a bonus video someone made of Jeff Goldblum to Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback".. it cheered me up a lot.

tgif

• Well I'm very thankful that another weekend is upon us. I really need it. I'm not as weary and blah as I was yesterday, or the day before. That's a good thing. This morning I'm hoping to hit the gym again, and squeeze in about 6 hours of sleep before mom has her radiation treatment. This evening I'm planning on kickin it with Noelle. We're gonna go to dinner at Mimi's, and then take it from there. I have Saturday afternoon/night off and I want to spend it relaxing. I have plenty of movies to watch, and I need to veg out. Sunday morning I'm going to church then have to take my parents' van to be smogged. Fun stuff, huh?
  
• This whole ongoing battle with my mom's health has really put things into perspective. We take everything for granted. The breaths we take, the sunrise in the morning. Clouds in the sky, iced peppermint mochas at Starbucks. A hot 80s dance jam, and kittycats wrestling. I'm learning to be thankful for everything God has blessed me with. Every single thing in this world, God created. Okay some smartypants folks might say "Well some barista at Starbucks made your peppermint mocha". Yes but God created the barista in his/her mother's womb, God made the cow that produced the milk, yadda yadda. So I am so thankful everyday when I wake up and see these beautiful things around me.
  
• Of course a phat shout out to my friends again, you guys are great at cheering me up. TJ doesn't have a Myspace but I wanna thank him for unclogging the kitchen sink and setting up my Christmas tree. He's a great roommate, and a great competitor in farting contests. Sandi and Kimmie leave me awesome encouragement, and Noelle lost her dad to cancer about 13 years ago so she has an idea what I'm going through. She is an awesome friend. Cathy wants to steal Spencer from me and keeps stuffing him down her shirts. Weirdo. I feel bad for Cathy since she still lives with my folks and can't escape the constant stress from having two ailing parents and a difficult older sister. Okay well Michelle is a bit psycho, but she's providing great care for my mom and dad right now, and I'd rather have her there than some weird in-home nurse person. I am fortunate enough to live away from home, so I can escape to my place for stressfree sleepy and relaxation time. Okay, that's enough for today. Everyone have a great and safe weekend, be thankful and merry.
  

spreading the cheer

• Well I'm feeling a little better today. I was a little down in the dumps yesterday morning, and even skipped the gym. I had like no motivation. Depression makes me exhausted. This morning I am forcing myself to go work out. Later on Mom has a kidney dr. appt, then I can go sleep at least 5 hours. Then I get to do grocery shopping with Michelle. I hope to get home by 9pm, a new episode of Criminal Minds is on. Starting on Friday, mom has radiation treatment 10 minutes a day, 5 days a week for at least 2 weeks. Excluding Christmas day, I think. Anyway, yeah my schedule is a bit nuts. I don't mind it though, my family means the world to me. No rest for the weary, so they say.
  
• Again, let me just thank you all for being the most supportive network of friends anyone could ask for. When I'm down, you all pick me up. God does too of course, he's the one who brought you all to me. I hope that everyone else has the best holiday ever, and I mean it. Just because my Christmas season is crappy, doesn't mean that I have to spread the crap. It's time to spread the cheer, folks. Speaking of spreading the cheer I've drank so many iced peppermint mochas and eggnog lattes in the last month that I've drank enough cheer for the city of San Leandro as a whole. Okay digressing.. everyone go out there and enjoy your holiday season..that's an order. Mmmmmkay???
  

Another 80stastic weekend

• Well my weekend was pretty cool. Friday morning I took Mom, Dad and Michelle to the doctor, then I got my tire patched at WheelWorks. I went home and had a hard time sleeping, maybe slept 3 or so hours. Then I had to wake up and pick up a presciption for my mom at Longs, and by the time I got home there was no point in going back to bed. So I took a shower, ate dinner, watched Mac & Me with Cathy and TJ, then went to Noelle's. At her house I watched lots of Criminal Minds and fell asleep on her bed, as usual. Saturday morning I worked in San Fran, visited my mom for a bit, then went off to Lodi. Kimmie and I had loads of fun. We had Taco Bell for dinner, and watched the New Kids' Step By Step video, The Babysitter starring a scary William Shatner, Vibes, High School USA, and Mac & Me. By that time it was almost 1am and I was pooped. Oh yeah we played Monopoly and got totally bored, and ended up quitting after about 2 hours. On Sunday, we got up early and did some shopping. First we went to Longs but there wasn't much there. Picked up Amy's Xmas gift though. So we went to lunch at Lyons across the street and her mom joined us. She gave me a bag full of gifts which I totally didn't expect. I'll describe what she and what Kimmie gave me in a bit. So after lunch we went to Kmart and Big Lots. We took some interesting video blogs all day long. I mean really interesting. Almost all of my Xmas shopping is done, and that's a relief. When we got back to her place we watched Ghostbusters and Vice Versa while playing The 80's Game. I won 2 out of 3 games, it was awesome. Oh yeah, before our shopping excursion we watched like 3 episodes of Growing Pains. Haha.
  
• Oh yeah.. just to let you know Kimmie spoiled me big time. I got a Greatest American Hero t-shirt, Greatest American Hero season one, Mommie Dearest the book (inside was some bank receipt from 1979.. bonus!!), the novelization of Flowers In The Attic, Flowers In The Attic the movie, The Legend Of Billie Jean, Harry And The Hendersons, My Girl/My Girl 2, Freaky Friday (the original with Jodie Foster), Mannequin, and last month she had given me Muppet ornaments and a retrotastic angel for my tree. Her momma gave me an overnight bag (for when I come and visit), a Guess purse (haha), coffee, Kimmie's senior pic in a nice frame, and a nice coffee mug with a box of tea. I swear I didn't expect this much stuff, dude. WOWEEEE.
  
• All in all I had a great weekend and I'm very blessed to have friends like I do. I still had random periods where I couldn't get my mom and her situation out of my head. It sucked. It's like my emotions are a yo-yo. One day I'm great, next day I'm not even wanting to get out of bed. I guess it's just part of the process of what I'm going through. God only knows what's going through my mom's head. Hopefully she's hanging tight with Jesus. I sure am. He's my main man, he's gonna help me through this one. Again, thank you all for the encouragement lately, especially you Sandi. I didn't get a chance to thank you for the comment you left on my last blog, it really touched me. Oh P.S. people, I need addresses, I'll be sending out cards this week. Love you guys!!
  

just another crappy day

• Today is just another crappy day. Some days I'm feeling good, other days I just feel like poo. I'm still trying to think positive, but it's really hard to do so. Why this has to happen over the holidays, I don't know. It's also rainy and cold outside, making my mood even more gloomy. I slept 8 hours today, actually almost 9. I was supposed to get up at 8pm and my alarm went off, but I turned it off and just crawled back in bed for like 45 more minutes. It's like I'd rather sleep my depression away, and maybe if I wake up later it'll all be a bad dream. I honestly don't think I'm getting a tree this year. My first Christmas in 27 years with no tree. I have like no time first of all, and second just hearing Christmas music makes me sad/angry. A tree would make me feel 10 times worse.
  
• Also, I think I have a slow leak on my rear drivers side tire. I kinda hit the curb hard at the Wendys drive thru last Saturday night, and ever since then I've had to fill up that tire three times. So yeah after Mom's doctor appt this morning I'm gonna head over to WheelWorks to get it checked out. It's raining and I'm driving to Lodi on Saturday, so I'd like to get this fixed ASAP.
  
• God sure is throwing me for a loop, huh? I really don't like what's going on right now, obviously, but it's all out of my hands. All I can do is pray. A lot. I am so looking forward to this weekend, a nice getaway from all the crap. Thank you all for your love and support. You guys are the best!!
  

blah blah blah

• I'm having another one of those blah melancholy days. I woke up earlier this evening depressed about my mom's situation and the holidays and such. Then I wrapped a few presents and felt a little better. Then I just finished about 30 min of bible study and did some praying, and I feel a slightly more spiritually lifted. I guess I just put myself in my mom's shoes, and it makes me sad. I should be thankful for what I have, the great friends who are helping me, I have two jobs, a nice car, things like that. I just care about my mom so much that it kills me to see her suffering like this. But everything happens for a reason, even if I don't understand it now. Still really makes me bummed.
  
• The last few days have been pretty good, all in all. I didn't get to bed until like 11am on Monday since I ended up getting overtime here at work, since Brad was late. Then I had to take my parents' van to the dealership and get a ride back. Yesterday I had breakfast with Leeanne, then we hung out at my place where she snoozed while I watched 80s movies. Davina came over and did my eyebrows. I have the most awesome friends, dude. I did get 9 hours of sleep today off and on, and yesterday too. Today I'll probably sleep about 6 hours.. gotta retrieve the van from the dealership this morning and I'm determined to get to the freakin gym. This evening is grocery shopping at Walmart and Luckys. Oh the fun.
  

Pretty awesome weekend

I had a pretty darn good weekend, folks. I think I deserved it. Friday morning I had to run some errands for my mom, picking up extra food and such. Eventually I got to bed at like 10am that day. That evening Cathy, Alisha and Fernando came over. I had like 3 rum + diet wild cherry pepsis. We played Scene It and CatchPhrase, and took some interesting pics. I took an entertaining video but Myspace didn't like me yesterday so I've got to try and upload it again later today. I worked Saturday morning, and spent Saturday afternoon running my parents and Michelle to Longs, Target, Starbucks and Jack In The Box. It was a little stressful since no one told me what the heck we were buying at each place, and so on. Then I came home in the evening and watched movies with Cathy and TJ. We all went to bed at like 10pm, and I was bushed anyway. On Sunday morning Davina and I decided to try out a different church in Alameda, the Bay Farm Community Church. To tell you the truth I found it pretty boring. It was nice, and I could tell the pastor was trying to use a little effort. The congregation and the band seemed kind of asleep. I love Faith Fellowship in San Leandro where I usually go. Now they know how to get the party started. I won't be able to go next week though, I'll be in Lodi with Kimmie. Oh well. Oh yeah after church we went shopping there on Park Street and ate lunch at La Pinata. So freakin good. I ate half of a chicken super burrito, and I'm eating the other half right now. I also hit up a thift store, and found tons of 80s magazines. I picked up 3, and I'll scan some of the best pics soon.. that would make one fascinating blog. Afterwards I visited my momma at home and went to Noelle's. We watched the end of the Raiders game, then some boring crap her mom was interested in, ate some pepperoni pizza, and watched three episodes of Criminal Minds she had Tivo'd. I think she watched some Family Matters after that but I was snoozing on her bed. Then I came here to work. The End.

Oh yeah, I did go to the gym on Friday morning. I would go today but I'm really tired, and I need to drop my parents' van off at the dealership to get fixed so it can pass the smog test. Then I get to go home and do a little housework. I should be in bed by like 10am, hopefully. Planning on hitting the gym Tuesday and maybe Wednesday this week. Rest of the week I'm booked.

Oh and yes my mom is hanging in there. She's at home watching lots of movies and being cranky. I think it's her meds making her irritable. Oh well.

Fernando with Spencer and Alf on my couch.


Fernando, Cathy and I chillin


Best Friends Forever!!!!

Mom's home now

• I'm feeling a lot better today than I've felt in a while. Mom's back home, where she belongs. Yes she's still sick, but at least she's with family and not in the dreaded hospital. She had the most annoying roommate ever, too. Now at least she can get some sleep. She also has plenty of doctor appointments and such next week, and I'm taking her to all of them. We're gonna try our hardest to beat this thing, man.
  
• I had fun on Thursday night/Friday morning, because I brought my kitty Spencer to work with me. That really brightened my day, and everyone else's here. He is such a cutie. Leeanne and I went to breakfast yesterday, so she got to meet him too.
  
• I hope to get to the gym today, I did go on Monday, which was good. Next week I'll try going on Monday and Tuesday since I'm pretty busy after that. I'm eating generally healthy lately, but I've eaten strawberry frozen yogurt most of this week as dessert at home. Dessert is my weakness, man. Thank god I don't have any cheesecake or oreos laying around. Haha.
  

blah

• Well today is another day. Nothing too thrilling to report, I guess. Today's one of those ho-hum kind of days. I was feeling good for a day or two, then whammo I'm sad again. All part of the process, I know. I've been getting an okay amount of sleep lately, but I still feel really exhausted. I'm also having my infamous woman issues, so that may be another reason for exhaustion since I'm anemic. Oh well.
  
• I did go to the gym on Monday morning, so I have to pat myself on the back for that one. Probably won't get back to the gym until Friday, I'm pretty booked all week. Later this morning is groceries with Michelle and my Dad, and we're stopping at the hospital to make sure Mom gets her breakfast. Yesterday it took them forever to get my mom fed. Geez. I'm bringing Spencer to work with me this evening (not now, but tomorrow, whatever it is), everyone wants to meet him. He is the cutest spunkiest kitten ever. God has truly blessed me with this kitty.
  
• I'd like to thank you all again for your kind words and prayers during the difficult time for my family. It really means a lot to me, every bit of it. I'm so glad that I have a great support system to lean on. You all know if you need help, you can count on me. Thanks again. :)
  

keep on praying, guys

• Well I survived another weekend. Not a monumental weekend, but it turned out okay. Friday I worked in San Fran, then visited Mom, then watched movies and ate pizza with Cathy, Amy and TJ. I needed that break. On Saturday I worked in San Fran again, visited Mom, came home and did some housework, visited Mom again, then came home and watched more movies with Cathy and TJ. Both nights I had a few rum + pepsis. Yes I know drinking is bad, but it helped me forget about things for a while. I also slept 11 hours on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I needed that sleep. Sunday morning I went to church, and it felt so good. I cried a little, and I did a lot of self reflection, praying, and praising God. I have so many things to be thankful for, even when things aren't going so well. God is letting my mom's illnesses happen for a reason, it's all part of the big picture, the big story. It won't make any sense now, but someday it will. I'd also like to thank my friends again for helping me with prayers. You all know who you are.
  
• Mom is still in fantastic spirits. She had been having problems eating on her own the past few weeks because of her hands shaking, but we had thought it was because of her "mini-strokes" and "parkinson's disease". Since she's been on the steroids this week, she is barely shaking, and she was able to eat lunch today all by herself. I consider that a small miracle. Also, she doesn't need oxygen anymore, at least right now. She is breathing perfectly fine. We still don't officially have the biopsy results back yet, so we don't know the whole game plan on chemotherapy, steroids and radiation. I will keep you guys posted.
  
• I'm still bummed, but I'm doing much better emotionally than I was doing last week. I am thinking positive, because when you think positive thoughts, good things happen. My mom is thinking positive too. She wants to get out of there so she can go Christmas shopping, if that tells you anything. I'm hoping they will let us do her treatments as an outpatient. I don't care about losing sleep, I'll take her to every single appointment. So everyone, keep praying for my mom and my family, if you can. Let the holy spirit touch her and heal this awful cancer in her body. In Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you all again for your prayers.
  

Please continue your prayers, I love you guys

• Well, I think I need to get things out in the open now. A few of you really know what's going on. My mom is still sick in the hospital. It's not just a foot infection. She has brain cancer, and there's a spot or two in her lungs. This isn't officially confirmed until her biopsies, but the doctors are pretty sure. She started on steroids today to reduce the swelling so she can get a biopsy done. She'll be using steroids and getting radiation treatment, a lot of radiation treatment. Her kidneys are holding up okay for now, they're giving her a double dose of her regular kidney medicine to make sure things are working. At the moment all any of us can do is pray and ride out the storm. This just seems so unfair because my mom doesn't deserve any of this. Name an illness and she's had it in some form, it seems that way. I know that everything happens for a reason, and God has it in his plan for this to happen. Still, it seems way too unfair. Especially around the holidays.
  
• Mom seems to be holding up okay. She was really positive when I came to visit her earlier. She was so happy to see me, as if it had been years, not just 3 days. I've been so busy working and trying to get in sleep that I haven't had much time to see her. Since starting on the steriods she seems a bit more coherrent, and a lot happier then she was when I last saw her on Monday.
  
• Today was Thanksgiving and it's the second year in a row I spent it at a hospital. This time last year Dad was in ICU on a respirator with a really really bad case of pneumonia. This year it's Mom's turn, and it's a lot more serious. Miracles can happen, maybe Mom can get better. And maybe she won't, I'm just so happy to spend as much time as I can with her and remember the happy times we've had over the past 27 years.
  
• A few of you have called with Thanksgiving well wishes, and I either didn't answer the phone or cut the call short. I wasn't meaning to be rude, and I love you. Right now I'm just getting the strength to blog about this and I didn't feel like being a weinee and crying over the phone. I also didn't want to put a damper on anyone else's Thanksgiving with bad news. I love you all, and I have the best most supportive friends ever. No matter what happens, I have a great bunch of people to help me through this. And Jesus Christ of course. Please pray for me, and my family at this really rough time, and have an extra leftover piece of pumpkin pie, just for me. If you don't like pumpkin, eat apple pie. Even ice cream, I'm not picky. I love desserts. See, that made me feel a little better.
  

I am thankful

• I'm pretty upset right now. On Monday morning my mom was complaining of chest and stomach pain and we took her to San Leandro Hospital. She's still there right now. They are doing all kinds of tests, and even more tomorrow. I don't know all the details, but it doesn't look too good. I don't want to get into it. Right now I don't really feel like talking to anyone. I just wish I could go home and curl into a ball and sleep. For a long, long time. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. That's why I'm not online on AIM right now. I'll get the usual "How are ya?" and I'll have to lie and go "Oh I'm fine" when I'm really not. I haven't been able to eat much all day, well maybe part of a Lean Cuisine sesame chicken dinner. I feel nauseated, upset, worried, angry, and depressed. Christmas music makes me cry. I just want to close my eyes and forget about all this crap for a while. I have a deep faith in God and I know that he's only throwin what I can handle to me right now. I may not think I can get through this now, but I will. I don't know how, but I will. Yes tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am thankful, for having the best family and friends a person could ever wish for. I'm thankful for having great parents, even if I won't have them here with me forever. I'm thankful for Jesus dying on the cross for me and for all of us. If you aren't religious, then sorry. Big wow. See how much I care. Anyway, that's my anger popping out again. All I can say is, thank you all for being the best pals ever, and please pray to whatever God you pray to today, for my mother. Thanks.